Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Nothing Is Funny

Some days nothing is funny.  I would very much like to write a whimsical rollicking blog, but I keep being hit over the head with the fact that nothing is funny.
I am on call today, so my sense of humor is at an all time low.  All I can occupy my mind with is all the horrible things that may happen to me today.  I have had a never ending line of patients rolling through labor and delivery, all of whom have required way too much attention. 
Whimisical and rollicking are hardly where I am at.  I keep trying to think of anything funny, anything at all.  Sometimes when I babble like this, something funny will pop into my head.  I transported a very ill patient to a tertiary hospital yesterday, but there was nothing funny about THAT.  In fact, it was terrifying.  The girl had blood pressures of 220s over 130s, which is horrifying.  I was convinced she was going to have a seizure in the ambulance en route.  The nurse that rode with her was terrified also.  In fact, we joked that we had put our big girl panties on and then pooped in them.  Her baby had to be delivered at 25 weeks, and will have a terribly long road ahead of it.  Not funny.

My husband is attempting to roll over my 401K from the old office into another account.  Not interesting.  He keeps texting me with questions about four digit pins and my mother’s maiden name.  It is a pain in the butt for him that he keeps getting stuck with all this stuff.  We were originally told that we would have to take the money out; that we could not roll it over.  It turned out that we could roll it over, so that was good, but hardly funny.

I notice that the blog is not automatically keeping track of the number of words or autosaving, so I may lose this entire thing.  I don’t think that would be funny.  Someone might find it so, but not me.  It would probably be a good thing, since this is turning out to be fairly depressing.

I have 3 cervidil inductions today, which is not funny either.  They will go into labor on me overnight.  My husband is bringing my daughter by with dinner for us, which is sweet, but, you know, not humorous.  I don’t know what he is bringing, so it is a surprise.  I have a feeling it will be ChickFilet.  I am drinking my second 40 oz diet Pepsi of the day.  No humor there.  Unless you make jokes about me floating away.  Which would also not be funny, but stupid. 

I did two circumcisions at lunch.  The first baby sounded like a squealing piglet.  He had the most piercing cry.  Both turned out very pretty, but I’m sure the babies would have passed on the procedure, given the choice.  They are not, however, given a choice. 

I saw a patient this afternoon whose IUD fell out and now she is pregnant.  No joy there.  She is pretty unhappy.  This will be her fourth child.  Nothing too amusing about a vanishing method of birth control that sneakily disappears when you are not looking. 

Well, I have typed and typed and nothing is funny.  I haven’t really written about anything either.  I have made it my goal to write a blog a day, and if things don’t get more humorous soon I (and any unfortunate readers) are in for a long haul.  One of our nurses just walked by and told me it took her four flushes for her toilet paper to go down.  Now THAT’S kind of funny.

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