Me And My Odyssey
I love my minivan. Good gosh, what’s not to love? That lovely, sexy, streamlined silhouette! The way it cuts back to three cylinders to conserve gas along the road! I mean, she even has a sexy personalized tag. My husband got it for me! It says PEAPOD on the back, so everyone in town knows it’s me. And that’s great, because since I know everyone knows who I am, in our lovely small town, that keeps me from getting road rage and flipping people off,
previously one of my favorite pasttimes because that’s not a nice thing to do. I love the fire engine red color – it attracts those nice policemen when I go just a little bit over the speed limit. Because good gosh, who could resist speeding in a sexy ride like that? It feels so homely with Amanda’s french fries, and school papers and those baked beans I spilled all over the floor in the front seat. And Amanda’s wee little foot prints all over the back of the seat! I feel right sexy riding around in that van, bobbing my greying head to Green Day. There are napkins stuffed in the side door pockets, and CDs of music that almost make me forget that I’m a chubby 44 year old riding around in a minivan! And the console is chock full of my driving glasses, and straw wrappers from Sonic, and rusty paperclips in a cupholder, and left over green frosting from a Gigi’s cupcake, all dried up, and it just all adds to that sexy ambiance! There are sexy mysterious stains on the rug, and stains on the leather seats, and the rear sound doesn’t work any more, so when Amanda watches a movie, we ALL get to enjoy it! I am chock-a-block full of love and hope when I ride around in that van. It’s so neat, I don’t even miss the Porsche anymore. Wow, was that thing overrated. I mean, all that speed, and the stick shift, and the gorgeous, clean interior, and the pristine paint. Why, who needs that when you can have a Honda Odyssey?? After all, there are sixteen cup holders!