Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

My Day By The Clock

0600:  Alarm goes off.  Hit snooze.

0609:  Alarm goes off.  Husband tells me to quit hitting snooze.  Get up.  Trip over work shoes by the side of the bed.

0610:  Get on scale.  Snort derisively.  Threaten scale with terrible things.

0612:  Get towel.  Discover light in shower is blown out.  Shower in darkness.  Forget and put shampoo on twice instead of conditioner.

0620:  Put on scrubs.  Discover I forget socks and return to closet.  Put on lotion (pump doesn’t work – dip pump and pull out like honey spoon).  Heavy deodorant. 

0625:  Mousse hair.  Mousse foams up so much I have enough to cover two heads.  Apply extra mousse so as not to waste it so head is totally sticky.

0627:  Realize, as usual, I do not have time to dry hair.  Go to work with wet sticky hair.

0630:  Go into kid’s room.  Halfway turn on light.  Listen to complaining about light.

0635:  Listen to child reject all clothing suggestions.  Allow child to put on dark green Christmas shirt with lime green floral skirt and tights.  Top off with shiny silver Ugg-type boots, which are already scuffed up even though we bought them two weeks ago.

0640:  Beg child to choose breakfast.  Child wants oatmeal.  We do not have time for oatmeal.  Offer cereal.  Child wants waffles.

0645:  Be reminded by child that she needs a lunch made for a field trip today.  We did not allow time for that.  Make lunch.

0647:  Stuff down bowl of cereal

0650:  Beg child to allow me to brush her hair.  Screaming.  Tenderheaded.  Hair has been pulled.  Still in snarls.  Child will not permit me to touch her with the hairbrush any more.  Hope screaming did not wake up husband.

0655:  Nag child to finish milk and pick up backpack – time to go to bus stop.  Grab keys and coat.  Child has left her coat at school so, no coat.  Sweater.

0700:  Arrive at bus stop

0703:  Bus arrives on the nose, every day.  Is like Swiss train.  Wave kid goodbye.  She is the only one without a coat.

0704:  Drive away to work

0720:  Arrive at work.  Run upstairs for 0730 c-section.

0735:  Pt has just been brought back to the OR

0740:  Anesthesia is starting to put in spinal anesthetic

0750:  Spinal actually in.

0755:  Nurses slowly put in Foley catheter

0800:  Cut time on c-section that was supposed to start at 0730.

0830:  Time my clinic is supposed to start.

0845:  Time I arrive in clinic

0850:  Wonder where in hell patient in 0830 slot is

0855:  Patient is 15 minutes late but is put in a room anyway.

0900:  Work on blog post.

0915:  Patient is actually worked up by nurse and is ready to see.

0917:  Finish putting patient in computer and see patient.

0920 – 1230:  Lather, rinse, repeat.

1231:  Answer questions about patient phone calls.  Authorize refills.  Make room on schedule for yet more patients.

1242:  Run down to lunch room for yogurt and granola

1245:  Remember that noon circumcision must be done

1249 – 1325:  Do circumcision.  Father wants to stand outside the door to “be close to his son.”  Warn him baby is going to cry.  A lot.

1330:  Run upstairs because clinic is starting again.

1331:  Wonder where in hell 1330 patient is.

1340:  Patient is late.  Put in room anyway.

1341-1355:  Nurse works up patient.  Work on blog post.

1400:  Patient is ready to see

1402:  Finish getting patient in computer

1403:  See patient.  Receive laundry list of complaints.

1410 – 1704:  Lather, rinse repeat.

1705:  Answer patient phone calls.  Call in medicines.  Work in more patients to be seen.  Bang head against wall.

1715:  Run downstairs to check on patients on L&D.  Write fast notes.  Write fast orders.

1730:  Run out door to get child picked up by 1800

1749:  Arrive to pick up child

1750:  Corral child and make her get her backpack and other stuff picked up.  Coat was forgotten (or lost) again.

1751 – 1800:  Child begs to get dinner at local frozen yogurt joint.  Say no repeatedly.  Child begins to whine.  “You never do anything I want to do.  We never eat out.”  Glare at child in rear view mirror.

1801 – 1815:  Drive home.  Get silent treatment from child.  Is a welcome reprieve from all the chattering.  Attempt to engage child in conversation about school.  Stony silence.

1815:  Arrive at home.  Child has now forgotten about incident.  Showing me stuff she wasted money on at the school store.

1816 – 1830:  Fix fast dinner.  Child does not want anything but PB&J sandwich.

1830 – 1845:  Eat dinner.  Tell child to stop playing with food.

1846 – 1900:  Go through child’s backpack.  Sneakily throw away everything you can.  Make sure child has done homework.  Remark that her library books are late again.  Fill out permission slips and put in money for field trips.

1901 – 1930:  Play “stuffed animals” with child, which involves picking out a stuffed animal character for each person and having them interact in funny ways.  Feel obligated to do this even though exhausted because have not seen child all day or interacted with her.

1931:  Realize is kid’s bath or shower time.

1933:  In shower after nagging multiple times to get in bathroom.  Playing with water and splashing it on the wooden bathroom floor.  Singing alarming pop songs that a seven year old child should not know.

1945:  Dried off and in jammies.  Time to read.  Beg child to brush teeth and go potty.

1946 – 2015:  Read Little House In The Big Woods

2016 – 2030:  Put child in bed.  Do snuggles.  Entreat to stay in bed.

2030:  Daddy comes home from Ju Jitsu and hugs child

2035 – 2125:  Watch Big Bang Theory reruns on Netflix

2130 – 2200:  Various “household duties”

2201:  Collapse into bed, set alarm for 0600. 

2205 – 0130:  Sleep badly.


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