Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

I Want A Fresh Pressing!

Scratching My Head

Scratching My Head

Now as a blogger I have a new obsession.  First, I obsessed about what I was going to write.  Then, I obsessed over how much of my true self I dared reveal in my blog.  Then, I obsessed over Views and Likes and Subscribers and Comments (OK, I’m still obsessing about those.)  I obsessed over blogging awards.  (YES!  I finally got one!)  But now:  I want to be Freshly Pressed!  Oooooh, I want it soooo bad.  Think of all the traffic!  The comments!  The massive self-validation!  It’s gotten so bad, I stalk the other authors in the Weekly Writing and Weekly Photography Challenges, thinking, “MINE is better than that!  Mine is better than that!”  And then “Ooooh, you bitch!”  when I find one that’s better than mine.  The other day I wrote what I thought was a very good blog about life changing in an instant, and then, and THEN, I find this blogger that describes their life changing event as the day that they discovered that albino Africans are having body parts removed to create magic potions and that families are selling their albino children’s body parts.  And I thought, “Really!  Albino Africans?  Of COURSE they’ll Freshly Press that!  That’s just too weird and meaningful-ly for them to pass up!  Rat bastard!”  So I am now officially obsessed and am in search of some albino Africans (or other bizarre and arcane cause) to espouse so that I may too be Freshly Pressed!  How about Aardvark Phobia?  Or People Who Live In Trees?  Or start a benefit for roosters in cock-fighting rings?  Just Freshly Press me!  Pleeeease!  Pretty please?  I’ll come up with something exotic and memorable and haunting!  Cats Who Commit Suicide?  Yes!  I’ll be Freshly Pressed!  I’ll make sure and include a photo that makes no sense, for use in the Fresh Press header!

Arrrrgh!  This week’s Fresh Pressed came out for the DPchallenge, and my tragic but true story was not featured!  I returned hopelessly to the scene of the Fresh Pressed crime in hopes I had missed the email notifying me of my triumphant debut.  I did not.  However, I was pleased to see that the cannabalized albinos did not make it either!  And ah-ha!  I have found the perfect picture of me on webcam displaying my bewilderment at my non-Freshly-Pressed-ness!  That is certain to win over the editors!

So unless you editor-type-folk want me to be a loon cyber stalker, I’m begging you!  Have a heart!  I need a good Fresh Pressing!  Just Press me and I’ll iron right out I swear.  I’ll be the freshest-pressest-sparkliest hottest shining star in the sky!  And I can call my mom, and my dad, and my husband…


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14 thoughts on “I Want A Fresh Pressing!

  1. I’m new to blogging, but been writing for a few years. I am just happy to get the odd like. lol

  2. FWIW, being FDed doesn’t really change much. Just a momentary jump then back to normal. and there’s no rhyme or reason to what they pick. I’ve shot off a few corkers, but the powers that be chose posts that I thought were kind of middling.

    • I’ve noticed that too. A lot of people express surprise that a particular post was chosen, as they feel like they have written better pieces. Some of their choices are great and some really leave you wondering.

  3. Ok stop! You’re first step to healing is admitting a problem! I’m sorry but I was laughing throughout your post. Because you are SO right on so many points. Some if not many of those FPs I look at, maybe start to read even though it sounds boring, dull and/or too intellectual for me or something. I start to read it because someone presumably smarter than me saw something in that post to make it noteworthy. But I find myself distracted while reading these blogs, often. Boring to me is somehow interesting to others? huh?

    That’s not to say some FP are actually very good as you noted. Some absolutely deserve attention but not all the FP’s are that good. Some I’ve read and wonder if a 12 year old wrote it (typos, unfinished thoughts, etc) and think ok that might be the niece/nephew of whoever choses the FPs cuz it sucked!

    I think you will be FP’d when its your time. Or not! lol!! But if you do, then it is because you are a terrific writer. Continue to use humor, sarcasm, truth and honesty in your writings and they will notice like your followers have.

    Build it and they will come….or not. Think about this, you didn’t start blogging with the goal of getting FP’d. But damn it that was because you didn’t know about it when you started! Now that you do you want it! lol….we all think that or something like it. As others responded, they are happy with an occasional “like” and thrilled with a comment. Aren’t we all? I only “like” those posts I really like I don’t use the “like” button as a calling card indicating I was here, I read and I’m leaving without bothering with a comment because it didn’t inspire me to comment sort of card as some lurkers on blogs will do.

    Maybe consider bribing the team or person or group or whatever/whoever it is that choses FP? Or put FP in each and every post regardless of the topic. They will be pound to notice, hopefully.

    Hey! I’ve never been FP’d either. Let’s compete! The first one to be FP’d gets to…..hum….brag? lol!!!!

    • Ha ha! You’re right about the typos – those really bug me. If I were a Fresh Press Queen I would refuse to pick anything that had misspellings (hopefully I didn’t misspell misspellings) or typos in it, just on general principles. And some of those posts are very wise, and some are just, well, just, I don’t know. Let’s see who gets the first FP! I don’t mind a little bragging… 🙂

      • You see, those typos? Unnecessary completely. Not in comments/replies but in the posts. Because you’re given the option to REVIEW the post prior to publishing. Therefore it is inexcusable to me. I see typos in newspapers, articles online, even on TV and it drives me batty! Curious that others don’t notice though.

        Hey! I bet that’s a FP blog just waiting to be written. Talk endlessly about the typos one sees in blogs, books, newspapers, the crawlers on the TV, etc. Talk ad naseum about it and connect it to the downfall of our education system and site some statistics with colorful charts and offer some sort of scientific reason for it….ok, nevermind I’m bored with it already. BUT it just might qualify for a FP…just saying…

      • Sounds like a FP to me! If only you could withstand the boredom that you would feel while writing it…

      • Naw, not me. I’ll give that one to you. But WHEN you win, give me creative process credit or some such rot. A pingback maybe? lmao

      • So You Want To Be Freshly Pressed

        In case you haven’t read the How To on FP


      • That’s so funny that they actually have instructions!

      • Out of boredom or competition I’ve been looking at many FP posts. One thing in common they all have is the FreshlyPress tag! Maybe that’s the golden ticket.

  4. It’ll happen! Just give it time. 🙂

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