Twenty Reasons To Live In My Neighborhood
1. Doesn’t everyone want a Stepford wife?
2. Clear Christmas lights really are the best choice. For everyone.
3. Parking in your own driveway is so passe. Being forced to hide your car in your garage is much more in the now.
4. Nobody wants to drink alcohol at the pool. It’s just so boring.
5. No need to worry about the issue of religion – everyone goes to the same church!
6. Gardening is so much more fun when edging is mandatory.
7. Avoid the agony of being a unique individual – around here those people simply disappear.
8. Having the acceptable materials for a child’s playset dictated to you really simplifies your playground decisions.
9. Audible music is forbidden – thank goodness we needn’t be exposed to other’s musical tastes.
10. It’s an ego booster knowing people are talking about you every time you drive down the street.
11. Everyone gets to live on a street named after trees!
12. It’s so much fun to live with radical Right Republicans.
13. Martin Luther King Jr. was highly overrated. Why do we have a holiday for him, again?
14. It is comforting to know that the Neighborhood Association Nazis are watching your every move.
15. Uncouth people leaving their garbage bins out an extra day are brought to swift justice.
16. Everyone should have the same color fence. And the same height. With the same wood stain.
17. The mandatory $500/year fee for the Neighborhood Association is undoubtedly going towards all the best things.
18. Push mowers are so last century.
19. The country club is right next door. Who wouldn’t be happy about that?
20. Grass piles are the devil’s work.