Things A Southerner Has Learned About Northern Winters
1. It is very difficult to push the key’s unlock button for the car with thick gloves on.
2. Ice is very slippery. It strikes fear even into seasoned Northern winterers. They describe a universal knuckle whitening clutch on the steering wheel when driving on fresh ice.
3. Ice somehow can gradually disappear, even when temperatures remain below freezing. I don’t know if it sublimates, if they put out chemicals that change the melting temperature of ice, or if the heat of the tires on blacktop eventually melt it. Where does it go?
4. As I may have mentioned before, soft drinks left in the trunk of the car explode, and make diet Coke-sicles that hang off the lid of the trunk.
5. Weathermen are frequently wrong.
6. A blizzard is almost more about the wind than about the snow.
7. Scraping ice off your windshield is like scraping glass off of more glass.
8. Your car windows freeze closed and you can’t open them.
9. There are many different kinds of snow.
10. The wind will blow the hoods and hats right off your head.
11. The dry weather makes the blankets on your bed crackle with blue sparks.
12. They say the dry weather causes an increase in paper cuts. I believe it. I have the paper cuts to prove it.
13. You have to go through a careful checklist before leaving any building. You have to have things that you need to access organized in your outerwear so you don’t have to fumble around looking for things with clumsy gloves in sub-zero temperatures.
14. If you dress correctly, you really don’t feel that cold. Especially after scraping ice.