Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Archive for the tag “blogging”

One Thousand Suckers Born Every Day

This week I hit an amazing milestone – over 1,000 followers! I wanted to make a very special post to commemorate this and it struck me – I don’t know what to say.

I never dreamed I would have such a following. I started this blog as a way to hone my writing skills while ranting about mundane issues that no one else wants to hear me rant about.

This blog was started several years ago, but it has only been active the last two. I began with the near-daily postings when I found myself in a soul-crushing job that, thanks to the wonders of computers and “paperless” technology, had had its productivity slowed to a screeching halt. So while I waited for my nurse to do the hour’s worth of computer processing necessary for each patient, I was sitting and staring at my laptop. Miserable. Angry. And suddenly I remembered this little blog thing I had.

The more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. Funny stuff, indignant stuff, deep stuff, angry stuff. I learned how to add pictures – big advancement!

I’ve been taking a look back at my older posts and I would like to encourage you not to read them. They’re not very good. They’re not so well written, and they make me look like an irritable old curmudgeon. (Which I am, if a woman can be curmudgeonly).

As I wrote, I became aware of this little thing called “Freshly Pressed”. I had been nominated for a few other blogging awards, but this Freshly Pressed thing became my holy grail – my quest – a measure of my worthy blogitude. I never thought I would get it, but I kept writing. I even wrote a post about wanting to be freshly pressed.

I got Freshly Pressed. It was a blog about my daughter’s softball practice and you can find it here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/everybody-move-up/
It was personal to me – so much so that I cried while I read it to my husband. Maybe that showed. At any rate, It happened!

I was ecstatic. Wanted to tell everyone I knew. Didn’t. Told the people who count though. Then, the weirdest thing happened: I stopped writing. It seems that attaining my seemingly unattainable goal told my brain, “Welp, nothing more to do here.”

After nearly daily posts, months went by before I got back to it. I grant, I had just begun some fairly extensive traveling for work, which was a big adjustment, but I could have written. A lot of that work time was sent sitting in hotels waiting for a call from Labor and Delivery.

And suddenly, I wanted to write again. I felt embarrassed about neglecting my blog – I had put so much into it, and when success happened, I bailed. Reverse psychology.

But this week I hit it big. Over 1,000 followers! Holy crap! I will say, guys, that I wish you would comment a lot more. I love comments. It even says so right in my blog. I will answer them all.

I’ve been following my stats with some interest. Of course, my most popular post was the Freshly Pressed one. But I never suspected that this next post would make it so big.

I am a gynecologist, and I have written a number of posts on that subject, humorous or not, angry or not, or just plain boring. The MOST frequent search term BY FAR, the one that gets me multiple hits daily is some variant of “does my gynecologist care if I shave?” I wrote a post some time ago, the one that everyone on the net seems to read, which you can see here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/things-your-obgyn-never-tells-you/ If you don’t feel like reading the post, the answer is, no, we could care less if you don’t shave. We only notice that you didn’t shave if you say, “I’m sorry I didn’t shave.” Then, of course, we feel compelled to look. But we still don’t care.

My two favorite posts are silly, and they are pretty similar. They will be funny to you if you are a) a woman or b) have ever been involved with one. The first is funny things my patients have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/things-my-patients-say-to-me/ and the second is about funny things that men have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/things-that-men-say/ .

So. 1,000 followers. I am honored beyond belief. Looking back at some of my old posts, I’m not sure what on earth you see in there. But the presence of 1,000+ followers is sure a motivating factor to produce some writing of quality. So I am going to try my best. (Which may result in a drastically decreased number of postings).

So thank you for following! (Bows down multiple times). “I am not worthy! I am not worthy!” But I hope to be.

Weird Things I Hate

This may seem negative and self-centered but I’m going somewhere with this. First, I have tried to feature things that are particular to me, or at least my personality, so you won’t find “cancer” or “thieves” in here. Everyone hates those things.  Second, I would like participation from my loyal readers.  Do you totally agree with something, is there something you’d like to add to the list, or do you think that one of my items makes me an complete ignoramus?  Why?  Leave me a discussion!  Third, I’d like to use this list as a springboard for future blog posts, and I’d like to encourage you to do the same!  Expound on an item, argue for or against it.  I’ve thrown these out in no particular order of any kind.  Some are damn trivial.  Some could keep us talking for years.  If something on here inspires a post, it would be awesome if you put a link or a pingback to this blog.  I want to see!  Last, I intend to create a similar list of things I love, and I won’t include anything like “love”, or “world peace”, which would be obvious and not indicative of an individual.

1.  Things that can eat me.
2.  Monkeys.
3.  Cameo jewelry.
4.  Trucker hats on women.
5.  Any phrase beginning with Keep Calm And…
6. The word “colorway”.
7.  The use of the word “dashboard” to denote a control panel of any kind.
8.  Plastic jewelry.
9.  Brighton jewelry – higher than sterling prices for base metal crap
10. King Arthur Court pewter and the fact that they didn’t even bother to put the apostrophe in.
11. Referring to plus sizes as “Women”.  What the hell are the rest of us supposed to be?  Kids?  Robots?  Stepford Wives?
12. The name “Dress Barn”.
13. PC bullshit
14. Proselytizing.
15. Insect mandibles.
16. That sinking and panicky feeling you get when you realize you may have left something important somewhere.
17.  Bills for magazine renewals when they are nowhere near due to be renewed.
18. Brown recluse spiders
19. That moment when you’re typing along and feeling really excited about what you’re writing and you realize that you’ve just hit some random key that made the whole freaking paragraph disappear, and Ctrl-Z will not bring it back.
20. Windows 8
21. My kid’s homework
22. Paper cuts.  Under your fingernail.
23. Eggplant.
24. The smell of crickets
25. Wire coat hangers
26. Fax machines
27. Any TV show containing the word “reality”.
28. Super skinny jeans
29. Selling things.
30. Wrestle Mania
31. Motion activated sinks
32. Asymmetry.
33. The color yellow.
33. The Minneapolis-St Paul airport.
34. Carrying 12-pack can boxes.
35. Those hideous flat Ugg boots.
36. Tom’s shoes.
37.  Getting called in to deliver a baby at 6 AM when your call is over at 7.
38. My phone”s autocorrect.
39. Being really angry shaky hungry.
40. Filling out forms.
41. Being bothered in the middle of something.
42. Cheap stinky candles.
43. People who call you while you are in the middle of texting.
44. Small talk.
45. Bungee jumping
46. Marathoners
47. Ignorance, particularly willful.
48. Small mindedness.
49. People who say “I’m not creative.”  What in the hell is that supposed to mean?  Human beings are born creative.
50. Medical insurance companies.
51. Pear yogurt.
52. Self-help books.
53. Bigotry, hatred, intolerance, and any permutation therein.
54. Conceit.
55. Elitism.
56. Stepford wives
57. Nordic tracks
58. Maxi pads.
59. Cascade commercials.
60. Ads for weight loss products -they’re lying through their teeth and taking advantage of a group of people who are desperate enough to try anything.
61. Panty hose.
62. Ads for super-expensive, super-enriched pure beef and chicken and gluten-free pet food when people are starving to death all over this planet.
63. Sperry topsiders.
64. Virtually anyone with the last name Kardashian.
65. Plums.
66. Banana pudding.
67.  Figuring out the switches on ceiling fans.
68.  The reset button on hotel hair dryers.
69. Malingerers.
70. People who want to have something wrong with them when they are well.
71.  Picky eaters.
72. Crystal meth.
73. People with Borderline Personality Disorder who proudly proclaim that they have it.
74. Accutane.
75. Tornado sirens.
76. Chitlins.
77. Packing plant trucks full of chickens.
78. Daylight Savings Time.
79. Winter.
80. People who put apostrophes on plurals.
81. Bulkhead seats
82. The smell of the water in the vase when you leave the flowers in them a little too long.
83. Dog poop.
84. Trying on bathing suits.
85. Chain restaurants.
86. Airplane bathrooms.
87. People who pee all over the damn toilet seat.
88. Fake leather, or no tag on the item to describe whether it is leather or not..
89. Paying full price for anything.
90. Liquid paper.
91. Double butt underwear – those of you who were gifted with curvaceous bottoms know what I mean – the leg elastic cuts your butt cheeks in half and makes you look like you have 4 buttocks back there.
92. Being interrupted.
93. Fruit flies.
94. Kale.
95. People who put green shit in smoothies.
96. People who “forget to eat”.
97. Stupid or guilt-inducing Facebook memes.
98. Carbonated water.
99.  Pop-up ads.
100.Formulaic pointless movies for mass consumption

Weekly Photo Challenge: From Above 2

I got this shot of my daughter in her clubhouse while she was having a sleepover with some friends:

Look Out Below!

Look Out Below!

Freshly Pressed: The Aftermath

I feel all obligated, in the wake of my fabulously flattering Fresh Pressing, to come up with exciting, insightful blogs for all my new followers who will be expecting great things to me.  (That’s why yesterday I posted a photo of my jewelry in a hotel bathtub).

First, I must say that being Freshly Pressed was all that I dreamed of and more.  Ever since I found out what Freshly Pressed was, I was dying to be chosen for it, as I suppose an overwhelming majority of bloggers must.  Maybe not.  Maybe not everyone thrives on praise and stroking the way I do.

When I got the email, there was a lot of excited shrieking, followed by a bit of disappointment that there really weren’t too many people I could share my exciting news with.  After all, I don’t want people who actually know me to follow my blog.  It’s just too personal.  I find a lot of bloggers feel that way; it’s easier to share the dirty little details with relative strangers than it is to share with people who are in your life, who might judge or feel differently about you.  I couldn’t even tell my parents, because I don’t want them reading my blog.  So, my husband was it.  And half the blogosphere.

It wasn’t as hard to keep up with the likes and comments as I thought it would be.  One thing I did fall down at doing was checking out the blogs of my new followers.  I’ll be doing that next.  I did manage to answer all the comments.  Everyone was overwhelmingly kind.  No one said anything mean at all.  I had decided I would not delete negative comments, unless they were obscene and abusive, because I feel everybody has the right to their opinion, and I was not going to censor just because the commentor and I didn’t see eye to eye.  But I didn’t even have to contemplate that, because everyone was really supportive and nice.

This Fresh Pressing was what I needed to jump start my blogging again.  For months, I produced a post a day, but kind of fell down on the job when I started working as a travel doctor.  It was easier for me to post daily before I changed jobs, because we were on a computer medical records system, and it took the nurses so damn long to enter their data, that I found myself twiddling my thumbs, surfing the net, and, ultimately, revisiting my blog to use up the time I had to spend waiting between patients.  Once I began traveling, I had day trips to make to explore my surroundings, call to take, television to distract me (we don’t have cable at home), and a rebirth of interest in my jewelry making.  I fell behind on my posts and went almost a whole month without producing one.

So this has been just a super encouragement to me, and I feel so gratified and flattered that I must consider some better posts.  Once I get home, I’ll have access to my photos on my desktop, and I can start responding to photo challenges and putting pictures into my posts.  Right now I’m just trying to keep up.  For the past week, I’ve been on call for 5 of the 7 days I’ve been here.  That’s kept me a little busy.  I have managed to keep up using my Android Word Press app, which I really must give kudos to.  It’s a great app!  You can upload photos from your phone to your posts, write posts on your phone and submit them, and access all the categories available on the site.  The Reader, Freshly Pressed, My Posts, Comments, and Stats are all available there, and much more.

So today I’ve been doing a little writing.  I hope I’ve been able to give y’all a feeling for the Freshly Pressed experience, if you have not been so yourself.  I will now try to increase the quality and quantity of my writing, and perhaps I will not feel compelled to print pics of my jewelry in a bathtub.  But I probably will continue with the foolishness – I like foolishness.  If you are new followers, I hope you will enjoy this blog.  If you are long term followers, I sure thank you for sticking with me!

I think my next post may be a summary of what this blog is about (although there are a pretty broad range of topics).  My Categories section pretty much explains things as well as I can.  But I’ll see what I can do for creating an overarching mission statement, so to speak.  Happy Saturday, everyone!

Liebster Award!

I was so excited to be nominated for the Liebster Award by Surprise Mama!  It is supposed to be an award for a newer blog with under 200 followers.  I literally believe that I hit 200 at the very moment she nominated me, so I’m going to accept it!

Liebster Award!

In order to accept this award, I need to post 11 random facts about me, answer the 11 questions posed by my nominator (Surprise Mama– check out her wonderful tales about new mamahood), nominate 11 other blogs, and ask the nominees 11 questions of my own.

First, the 11 totally random facts about me:

1.  I am a Gemini, and my whole life I have loved agate.  I carried one around since age 5 (I still have it).  I found out only in my 30’s that agate is my zodiac stone!!  How weird is that?

2.  No matter what I do, I can’t keep my eyeliner from smudging.

3.  My biggest hobby is beadwork.  I have an attic full o’ beads at home and beaded creations all over the house.  I attend the Bead and Button Show annually in Milwaukee.  I think this will be my 7th year!  I have recently introduced my 7 year old daughter to the joys of beading – she’s a natural!  I’ll insert a shameless plug in here too, for my Etsy jewelry site.

4.  I am terrified of sharks and bears.  I don’t even like to swim in lakes because I am convinced that there will be a confused shark in there.

5.  I think my husband is the smartest guy alive.

6.  I love to eat at Sonic.  They have sweet potato tots, you can get Sprite Zero with sugar free flavors added, and they make the best malteds evah.  What’s not to like?  They even have a happy hour!

7.  My mom was a French teacher.  My whole life growing up, I had to study French.  I even had language tapes to do while I washed the dishes.

8.  I love photography.  I especially love shooting wildlife and children in action.  I am begging my hubs for a longer telephoto lens as we speak.

9.  I am a music crazed audiophile.  I have a huge music collection.  I like just about every genre, but my fave is Techno/Electronica/Dance

10. I know cuss words in Turkish.  Don’t ask.

11. I was born in Los Angeles.  Somehow I wound up in Alabama.  Go figure.  I am really a big city girl.

Questions from Surpise Mama:

1.  My favorite book that was made into a movie was To Kill A Mockingbird.  And yes, the movie totally rocks!

2.  I would usually choose chocolate over vanilla.

3.  My proudest moment (or moments) have been watching my little daughter turn into the wonderful person that she is.  I like to think I had something to do with that.  🙂

4.  The best job or volunteer position I ever held was when I was paid by the university biology department to take care of the amphibians and reptiles while their owner/professor was away.  I held hellbenders, fed rare land tortoises, stroked snakes, and wiggled my fingers in the piranha tank to see if I could get them to bite me.  Nope.

5.  Definitely stilettos over sneakers.  I am all about comfort but I throw caution to the winds when it comes to a gorgeous pair of shoes.  I am petite, so the higher the heel, the better.  I think shoes from this decade are about as sexy as they have ever been.

6.  If I were to teach a class, it would be called “Intro To Beadwork”.  I love to teach.

7.  If I were to take a class, it would most assuredly have the word “bead” in it somewhere.

8.  The best gift I ever received was my annual birthday trip to Bead and Button.  I know.  Enough with the beads already.

9.  My favorite blog is Other Nations.  I am total biology/science geek, and this guy writes about fascinating stuff.  One of his blogs was about beetles that shoot acid out of their butts.  I’m not kidding.  He even cites references for his pieces.  And they’re usually about something crazy like the world’s most amazing animal penises.  And he’s totally hilarious.  He has this deadpan humor that just cracks me up.

10. If I could travel around the world, 5 destinations that I would not miss would be Morocco, Madagascar, the Galapagos Islands, Thailand and Italy.

11. What scares me?  Lots of things scare me.  I mentioned sharks and bears.  As a physician, the thought of having to deal with a disastrous medical emergency scares the hell out of me.  Daily.

Next, I nominate 11 blogs to which I would like to pass on the Liebster Award.

1.  Uncomfortably Honest and Honestly Uncomfortable – this blog is as advertised.  Not much is off limits with this woman and I love her blunt, frank truthfulness and her fearlessness at tackling topics that most people would not wish to discuss.

2.  Candid Kay – I think she is one of the sweetest bloggers I know.  She’s always quick with a comment and I always leave her posts feeling somehow uplifted.

3.  From Playgrounds To Politics – this blog indeed covers a wide range of topics, and I really enjoy this writer’s take on her subjects.

4.  Homemade Sarcasm – according to the author herself, this blog offers “a sarcastic view on cooking, baking, and everything crafty”

5.  Rosie Smartie Pants – very intimately visits issues that many of us relate to:  depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and coping with day-to-day setbacks.

6.  A Girl Named Clay – in the words of the author herself, “life – love – feminism & the written word”.  Very well written.

7.  Rose Chimera – one of my friends from blogosphere – has been through a lot and has a lot to say.

8.  Breaking The (Shopping) Contract – a confessed reforming debtor and shopaholic – she shares tips on managing stress, returning to school, and with each post shares her tally of “unnecessary” purchases for that period.  We can all relate.

9 – 11.  HELLFIRE.  Do I have to give up the award?  Most of the blogs I follow have more than 200 followers, I find.  I will keep combing the web and will update this with 3 more nominees.

Now for my 11 questions for my nominees:  (Drum Roll)

1.  What are you worst at?

2.  What is your favorite type of music?

3.  Do you consider yourself creative?

4.  Where were you born?

5.  If you could be reincarnated as an animal, what would you be?

6.  What do you think about Facebook?

7.  What was the worst date you ever went on?

8.  If your blog could be remembered for one thing, what would it be?

9.  Share one childhood fear.

10. What is your favorite season?

11. Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?

Thanks again to Surprise Mama for the flattering nomination!  I’m all exhausted now, just from checking to see that all my links work.  I’ll just have time to iron my scrubs (ha) and check on my Pinterest (total addict) and it’s off to bed for me!

I Could Tell You, But…

Well, dammit, what’s a girl to do? I have been trying to do the postaday things for about six months now, and I’ve been mostly succeeding, but recently, most of my posts have had to be private, because of highly sensitive material. Highly sensitive material because I don’t want to be sued or run out of town on a rail. And I’m just DYING to tell a few (thousand) people about them.

Let me just say, the first private post I published was about a guy I used to date who had a closed room full of sadistic pornography. Unfortunately, there were enough details about this (interesting though twisted) guy in the post that someone from that town (and a big town it was) could probably identify him. So, no go.

The second private post I just published was about some business skullduggery that is going on in my town with the Ob/Gyn practices. Suffice to say, I think it’s pretty scummy but I am not at liberty to discuss it. Let’s just say it’s about as low down as you can get. And, no, I am not having anything to do with it. But I would love to rant about it. Publically. But I just can’t. Maybe I’ll publish it a few months down the road, when I am out of here for good.

My husband didn’t even think I should have published the post about my struggles with health insurance and what scumbag bastards those guys are. He seems to think someone who knows me will find it. He has made me totally paranoid about the internet by mumbling things like, “Spiders gonna crawl…” So he’s scaring me about publishing anything really really personal. But isn’t that the point of blogging? Sharing yourself and your most private information with complete strangers? Apparently it isn’t the strangers who are the problem…

So I just really want to let you know, I have all this really hot gossip and I want to share it!  But I can’t.  I just want you guys to know, though, I’m not a slacker.  I’ve written all these hot and controversial posts and I’ve had to publish them privately.  It’s just breaking my heart.  I’d love to have some feedback on em, ya know?  So if my posts seem to be falling by the wayside, I haven’t given up.  My life is just so fascinating and cloak and dagger.  And I’d love to tell you.  But then, as they say, I’d have to kill you.  And it’s so hard to track people down on the internet.

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Stay Away From Computers

I should stay away from computers.  A computer in my hands will just shut down, hiccup, gasp for breath, bring up error messages that I don’t understand.  We use computers at work; we have an online Electronic Health Record for our patients that keeps their charts out somewhere in the Internet ether.  Out in the Cloud, whatever the crap that is.  The laptops and the desktops crash several times a day, losing valuable data that it has taken us valuable time to enter.  A physician’s office is about nothing if not time.

I tried a very stupid experiment tonight.  My WordPress has not been running well and I have to keep using something called Compatibility View.  I am sick of seeing that and WordPress keeps offering me smooth promises of an easy fix:  I have to update my internet browser.

I, me, update my internet browser.  How could I be so presumptuous?  They offer a link to click and there they are, all the browsers with their update info.  They each promise one easy click.  I’m sick of not being able to see my galleries on my own blog posts, so today I clicked.  The hard drive whirred and the screen flickered, and then I had to reboot.  After I rebooted, Everything.  Was.  Different.

I had to go hat in hand downstairs to find my husband.  This is not the first time this has happened.  I watch him with his easy computer skills, clicking on this and flashing back to that and deleting this and adding that and I think, “I can do that.”  I need to stop thinking that.  My computer was completely FUBAR.  I expected him to lecture me; he usually does, but this time, he just said, “Don’t worry.  Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”

Well, I sat and watched him fix it for like an hour.  While he did it, he did some fine tuning, he added some new updates, he added some new safety features.  And I was once again awed with the ease with which he does these things, and the ease with which I do not.  He restored the smoldering wreckage and I seem to have a functioning computer.  I thank him, for more reasons than one.  This gave me a topic for today’s blog post.  I was about to fail at my postaday, and miss my first daily post since about July.  Now I can talk about my complete and utter incompetence with computers.

I am completely incompetent with computers.  I should stick to blog posts and Facebook.  Maybe not even Facebook.  There are scary things you can click there too.  I will stick with email.  And WordPress.  I will say this:  WordPress is running a whole lot more smoothly now.  I should stay away from computers.

My Precious Point Of View


Why does it blogses?  Well, it blogses about the Precious.  The Precious makes us blog.  Our Precious has been with us forever, Precious has, and Precious will be with us forever more.  Precious made us go find a magic computer, one that would work out in the swamp, it has, and our Precious will help us lead the Lesser Ones to a better understanding.  The Lesser Ones never had a Precious, and they never will!  They will never touch our Precious.  Our Precious is ours and ours alone.  My Precious – it makes us disappear from Orclings and Dwarves and Hobbits and others who would steal our Precious from us.  It makes us strong, the Precious.  It brings us peace on wet nights and strength and hunger.  Our Precious protects our last strands of hair, it does, and makes our eyes so bulgy and big.  We can see the Lesser Ones, Precious and we POUNCES and BITES on the wiggly Lesser Ones, we do.  Tasty wiggly ones for you, my Precious.  We will dines on that tasty Hobbit, the one that follow us and wants our Precious.  It will kill the Lesser Ones who would take the Precious from us, and we will eats them, we will, eats them in one bite or maybe two.  And we will slip our Precious on our finger, and it will makes us perfect, yessss it will, MY Precious.  My Precious brought this magic computer to us and we will learn to speaks on it, we will.  We will blogses for the Precious tells us to.  This will warn the nasssty Hobbitses it will, and the Hobbitses will leave the Precious to us.  It will tell the Lesser Ones to leave us to our computer and our Precious.  We will loves the computer and the Precious and the computer will be a Precious to us also, the magic computer that shows us so many worlds and we will beat the worlds and keep the Precious from all of them.  My Precioussssss…

I Want A Fresh Pressing!

Scratching My Head

Scratching My Head

Now as a blogger I have a new obsession.  First, I obsessed about what I was going to write.  Then, I obsessed over how much of my true self I dared reveal in my blog.  Then, I obsessed over Views and Likes and Subscribers and Comments (OK, I’m still obsessing about those.)  I obsessed over blogging awards.  (YES!  I finally got one!)  But now:  I want to be Freshly Pressed!  Oooooh, I want it soooo bad.  Think of all the traffic!  The comments!  The massive self-validation!  It’s gotten so bad, I stalk the other authors in the Weekly Writing and Weekly Photography Challenges, thinking, “MINE is better than that!  Mine is better than that!”  And then “Ooooh, you bitch!”  when I find one that’s better than mine.  The other day I wrote what I thought was a very good blog about life changing in an instant, and then, and THEN, I find this blogger that describes their life changing event as the day that they discovered that albino Africans are having body parts removed to create magic potions and that families are selling their albino children’s body parts.  And I thought, “Really!  Albino Africans?  Of COURSE they’ll Freshly Press that!  That’s just too weird and meaningful-ly for them to pass up!  Rat bastard!”  So I am now officially obsessed and am in search of some albino Africans (or other bizarre and arcane cause) to espouse so that I may too be Freshly Pressed!  How about Aardvark Phobia?  Or People Who Live In Trees?  Or start a benefit for roosters in cock-fighting rings?  Just Freshly Press me!  Pleeeease!  Pretty please?  I’ll come up with something exotic and memorable and haunting!  Cats Who Commit Suicide?  Yes!  I’ll be Freshly Pressed!  I’ll make sure and include a photo that makes no sense, for use in the Fresh Press header!

Arrrrgh!  This week’s Fresh Pressed came out for the DPchallenge, and my tragic but true story was not featured!  I returned hopelessly to the scene of the Fresh Pressed crime in hopes I had missed the email notifying me of my triumphant debut.  I did not.  However, I was pleased to see that the cannabalized albinos did not make it either!  And ah-ha!  I have found the perfect picture of me on webcam displaying my bewilderment at my non-Freshly-Pressed-ness!  That is certain to win over the editors!

So unless you editor-type-folk want me to be a loon cyber stalker, I’m begging you!  Have a heart!  I need a good Fresh Pressing!  Just Press me and I’ll iron right out I swear.  I’ll be the freshest-pressest-sparkliest hottest shining star in the sky!  And I can call my mom, and my dad, and my husband…

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