Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Archive for the tag “blogs”

Stay Away From Computers

I should stay away from computers.  A computer in my hands will just shut down, hiccup, gasp for breath, bring up error messages that I don’t understand.  We use computers at work; we have an online Electronic Health Record for our patients that keeps their charts out somewhere in the Internet ether.  Out in the Cloud, whatever the crap that is.  The laptops and the desktops crash several times a day, losing valuable data that it has taken us valuable time to enter.  A physician’s office is about nothing if not time.

I tried a very stupid experiment tonight.  My WordPress has not been running well and I have to keep using something called Compatibility View.  I am sick of seeing that and WordPress keeps offering me smooth promises of an easy fix:  I have to update my internet browser.

I, me, update my internet browser.  How could I be so presumptuous?  They offer a link to click and there they are, all the browsers with their update info.  They each promise one easy click.  I’m sick of not being able to see my galleries on my own blog posts, so today I clicked.  The hard drive whirred and the screen flickered, and then I had to reboot.  After I rebooted, Everything.  Was.  Different.

I had to go hat in hand downstairs to find my husband.  This is not the first time this has happened.  I watch him with his easy computer skills, clicking on this and flashing back to that and deleting this and adding that and I think, “I can do that.”  I need to stop thinking that.  My computer was completely FUBAR.  I expected him to lecture me; he usually does, but this time, he just said, “Don’t worry.  Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”

Well, I sat and watched him fix it for like an hour.  While he did it, he did some fine tuning, he added some new updates, he added some new safety features.  And I was once again awed with the ease with which he does these things, and the ease with which I do not.  He restored the smoldering wreckage and I seem to have a functioning computer.  I thank him, for more reasons than one.  This gave me a topic for today’s blog post.  I was about to fail at my postaday, and miss my first daily post since about July.  Now I can talk about my complete and utter incompetence with computers.

I am completely incompetent with computers.  I should stick to blog posts and Facebook.  Maybe not even Facebook.  There are scary things you can click there too.  I will stick with email.  And WordPress.  I will say this:  WordPress is running a whole lot more smoothly now.  I should stay away from computers.

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I Want A Fresh Pressing!

Scratching My Head

Scratching My Head

Now as a blogger I have a new obsession.  First, I obsessed about what I was going to write.  Then, I obsessed over how much of my true self I dared reveal in my blog.  Then, I obsessed over Views and Likes and Subscribers and Comments (OK, I’m still obsessing about those.)  I obsessed over blogging awards.  (YES!  I finally got one!)  But now:  I want to be Freshly Pressed!  Oooooh, I want it soooo bad.  Think of all the traffic!  The comments!  The massive self-validation!  It’s gotten so bad, I stalk the other authors in the Weekly Writing and Weekly Photography Challenges, thinking, “MINE is better than that!  Mine is better than that!”  And then “Ooooh, you bitch!”  when I find one that’s better than mine.  The other day I wrote what I thought was a very good blog about life changing in an instant, and then, and THEN, I find this blogger that describes their life changing event as the day that they discovered that albino Africans are having body parts removed to create magic potions and that families are selling their albino children’s body parts.  And I thought, “Really!  Albino Africans?  Of COURSE they’ll Freshly Press that!  That’s just too weird and meaningful-ly for them to pass up!  Rat bastard!”  So I am now officially obsessed and am in search of some albino Africans (or other bizarre and arcane cause) to espouse so that I may too be Freshly Pressed!  How about Aardvark Phobia?  Or People Who Live In Trees?  Or start a benefit for roosters in cock-fighting rings?  Just Freshly Press me!  Pleeeease!  Pretty please?  I’ll come up with something exotic and memorable and haunting!  Cats Who Commit Suicide?  Yes!  I’ll be Freshly Pressed!  I’ll make sure and include a photo that makes no sense, for use in the Fresh Press header!

Arrrrgh!  This week’s Fresh Pressed came out for the DPchallenge, and my tragic but true story was not featured!  I returned hopelessly to the scene of the Fresh Pressed crime in hopes I had missed the email notifying me of my triumphant debut.  I did not.  However, I was pleased to see that the cannabalized albinos did not make it either!  And ah-ha!  I have found the perfect picture of me on webcam displaying my bewilderment at my non-Freshly-Pressed-ness!  That is certain to win over the editors!

So unless you editor-type-folk want me to be a loon cyber stalker, I’m begging you!  Have a heart!  I need a good Fresh Pressing!  Just Press me and I’ll iron right out I swear.  I’ll be the freshest-pressest-sparkliest hottest shining star in the sky!  And I can call my mom, and my dad, and my husband…

Better Learning Through Blogging

I’m learning a lot from writing this blog, but I’m not sure if I’m happy with what I’m learning.  First thing I’ve learned, is that I seem to have an embarrassing clawing need for validation.  I’m always checking for comments, and likes, and I’m always praying for awards and Fresh Pressing.  I guess most people have some of that in them.  It’s a rare person who doesn’t care what others think, to some extent.  But I would be happier to be a little more independent.

Second of all, I don’t seem to know shit about much.  I know a lot about being an Ob/Gyn, because I am one, but there is only so much I can write about that.  Details about surgeries and such will bore most readers.  And I can’t write much about patients, because I don’t want anyone to recognize themselves in my writing.  That’s a violation of privacy, and if I am found violating HIPAA laws, I can be fined in the six digits.  I can’t afford that. 

I really don’t know much about current events.  I mean, embarassingly little.  I think I have deliberately divorced myself from a lot of the news, because none of it seems to be good, and there seems to be a lot of idiocy.  The recent election about drove me insane.  I just pulled away and refused to discuss it with anyone.  So anytime I am asked to discuss current events, I just shy away.  I am woefully ignorant.

I’m also not nearly as funny as I thought I was.  I mean, I am funny in a quick comeback one-off kind of a way, but when it comes to writing prose with consistent humor, I fall far short of the mark.  I think this is the most depressing and most surprising thing that I’ve learned.  The other things I pretty much knew anyway.  But not being funny!  That’s a major slap in the face.  I used to could be funny (notice that Southern sentence construct), but something has happened to me.  I think that something is a worsening depression.  Nothing is funny when you’re depressed.  And my life is so monotonous.  You need some variation in life to be able to draw humor from it, not the same thing day in and day out.  I can exhaust the humor in my job in a couple of posts.  (Actually, that’s not true.  A lot of funny things happen in the course of the day, but a lot of the humor is particular to my subspecialty and not everyone will get it.)  And the humor that people will get involves poking fun at my patients, which is easy to do, but once again may violate privacy regulations.

Next, I really need some friends.  I have immersed myself in work and family for so long I have little time left for anything else.  I seem to be making some friends in the blogging community, which has stirred some dormant need in me to find a friend to confide in.  There is no one in town I can call friend; there a few physicians that I am friendly with, but I wouldn’t call them to go eat dinner or call them with a problem.  I am really a pretty lonely person.  And I don’t like being lonely.

I also find myself paying a  lot more attention to others’ writing styles.  I am reading Mary Karr’s Lit right now and I notice how she interweaves poetry with her narrative.  And I also noticed she doesn’t use quotation marks when doing dialogue, which I find quite interesting.  This is at least helping me develop my own style, although that style seems to be stilted and stuffy.

I also didn’t realize what a decent photographer I am.  I love photography; I have taken a lot of pictures in my life, but I’ve noticed a lot of my posts really revolve around my photographs.  And the posts that get the most positive comments seem to be photography.  I never would imagine that I would fall in with a group of photographers more than a group of writers!  That’s one good thing I’ve learned that actually makes me happy.  I’ve become more proud of my photography.

So, I’ve learned a lot about myself by writing this blog.  I’ve also learned that I am a creature who operates by rote and by habit; I have taken the challenge to produce a post daily to heart.  I’ve even prepared a post to be released on Thanksgiving day, since I will be at my parents’ house that day.  I doubt anyone will read it, but if they look, it will be there.  This post is actually for tomorrow, since I’ve already presented one for today.  So – totally anal retentive, which I already knew.  The blog seems to be a reflection of my personality, which is probably not all that interesting an observation, as that is probably true of everyone.  My vow for 2013?  Try to be funnier!  Look for the humor in life.  Maintain a positive attitude.  These are the goals that this blog has helped me to reach for.  These are the goals that I need to achieve anyway.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I am beyond excited this morning for I have been nominated for my first blogging award:  The Very Inspiring Blogger Award!  I have been hoping for an honor like this since I started blogging!  I am to post and follows the rules for this blogging award.  The rules are as follows: 

1.  Display the award logo on your blog – done!

2.  Link back to the person who nominated you:   masadiso79’s blog

      Thank you so much masadiso79 for this terrific honor!  You have awarded me my first ever blogging award and I am so excited!

3.  State 7 things about yourself:

     I hate spiders – we have found brown recluse spiders in our house

     Jewelry making is my biggest passion.

     My favorite food is a chocolate malt from Sonic

     Photography is another favorite passion of mine; I love photographing children.

     I once tried hang gliding, wind surfing and sky diving.  I wasn’t any good at any of them.

     I am an Ob/Gyn by day and do all my other hobbies by night and on weekends

     I just restarted this blog in July after it had lain dormant for over a year.

4.  Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them:  (In no particular order)

     Life in Pint-Sized Form

    Fat Lies and Fairy Tales

     Idiot-Prufs

     Sorta Ginger:  The Ramblings of a Quasi-Redhead

     Ad-Libb3d

     Rose Chimera’s Rantings

     The Kitchen Slattern Speaks

     Singing Pigs

     Sass and Balderdash

     The numpty novice with a compact camera and a laptop

     Merleytwister

     Jeff Sinon Photography

     I Am

     Mz. Eve

     J-Bo.net

5.  Notify nominees of award nomination and rules for acceptance.  – Done!  Wow, I’m out of breath!  Thank you again for this great honor – it truly made my day!

Bloggage

I must confess, this whole blogging thing is a bit confusing. I want to write deep, honest commentary, but according to my husband, someone I know will eventually find this blog and hold something I say against me. But they say to make an effective blog, you should always try to write with brutal honesty. Well, most of my brutal honesty points exactly at one (or a few) people without disguise.

Also, there is the whole uploading of pictures/video/music which completely fails me, as I write this blog on my work computer and I have no pictures/video/music on it to upload. I am a very primitive, shackled blogger.

What I need to develop is a blog that absolutely does not have my name on it anywhere so that the search engines will not find it. Then I can write about my foolish coworkers and patients with impunity. Also, my husband knows that I have a blog, so I might have to watch what I say there.

Basically, what I need to do is write a book and retire, and then I can say (almost) whatever I want. Retirement is really where it’s at. How did I get from a blog to retirement, you may ask? Answer: everyone else is writing books from their blogs! Why shouldn’t I? Just because what I have to say is stale and unfascinating, well, that shouldn’t have anything to do with it! So I will go ahead and keep writing the varnished truth, and try to get something out there every day so I will gain a collective readership (I have a readership of uh, one right now).

Surely someone will be bored enough to read my blog! So far I’ve only ever gotten one comment on anything I’ve written, and OK, that was a friend of mine, but that’s OK.

I’ve gotten lots of spam and that should be worth SOMETHING! Question: why do people spam the comment section of a blog? I can see trying to sneak in an advertisement for something but these just say things that should have come out of bizarre Japanese toy assembly instructions, like, “This have been very useful, is training boy.” What. The. Heck?? What is the point of that?

The blog has its very own spam checker, however, and has craftily caught several hundred spams in the spam trap. Actually, that would be a great name for a book. “The Spam Trap.” That could be about anything. Maybe that will be my blog book title.

Things I Can’t Seem To Do

I can’t back up my minivan worth a damn.  The thing is like a damn boat and even with the back-up cam I can’t keep the thing straight.  I keep swerving all over the place and nearly running into things.  There still are blind spots on the side where I can’t see.  There are scrapes up and down the sides of the van where I have dragged along one side of the garage or the other.  And forget parallel parking.  In fact, forget parking at all.  I don’t even like to pull in to a straight-in parking spot because the van is so big I am always too close to one vehicle or the other.  It would be easier to say that I just hate the van.  I also can’t judge how far to pull in to a parking spot, so a lot of the time, my butt is sticking out into traffic.  I feel like one of those fool soccer moms.  I have always prided myself on being a good and competent driver, but this van has reduced me to a whimpering fool.

I also can’t find my way anywhere.  I have absolutely no sense of direction.  I could practically get lost in my own neighborhood.  I have this terrible feeling every time I set out to a place that I have only been a few times before, that I will take a wrong turn and be totally lost.  I also can’t use a GPS worth a damn.  Those stupid things are always dissing me.  “Make a u-turn, if possible.”  If possible in GPS speak means “you idiot, you missed your turn”.  I am always turning at the wrong intersection, or sailing through a stop sign while craning my neck for the turn that is just ahead.  I have nearly wrecked any number of times while following the directions of a GPS.  And they always sound so damn sarcastic.

I can’t seem to return phone calls.  No matter who it is; no matter how much I like the person, returning a phone call just seems too damn hard.  I am always afraid that the call will take too long; that I will regret making it.  And if I don’t know the person well, I always feel frozen in my tracks.  I’m not sure what to say.  I’m afraid they’ll think I’m weird.  I always get very formal and stilted when I’m talking to someone I don’t really know.  I try to be casual and smooth but I always come across the other way.  And I am terrible at keeping touch with my friends.  I always just let them drift away, and suddenly it’s been years and now I don’t know where to find them or how to call them.  I have wasted more friends over the years and now I have very few left.  I just get so wrapped up in my own damn miserable life and the time just flies.

I can’t seem to make new friends.  I am always too shy to invite a new person that I’ve met out to do something, and no one ever seems to ask me.  I must have some kind of “leave me alone” painted across my forehead.  Am I too intimidating?  Or are they?  I always feel like other people have enough friends, that they won’t need another one or they’ll think I’m a fool.  I always feel like I’m asking someone out on a date, even if it’s another woman.  I think my mom taught me how to act so formal around people, I can’t let down my guard and just be friends.

I can’t stand small talk.  In my job, I’m very very good at it.  I have to be; I have to keep people occupied in the middle of a very embarassing exam.  But after doing it all day, I don’t want to do it anymore once I’ve come home.  I just want to be left alone.  I know it drives my husband crazy; he’s so outgoing and chats up everyone.  It just embarasses me how he does that.

And I can’t can’t can’t ask anyone for help.  I was always the one my friends called, wanting to tell me about their problems and ask for advice.  When I am lonely or have a problem, I clam up.  I keep it all inside of me and don’t want to bother anyone.  My mom taught me it’s not good to bother people.  So I don’t call my friends and my problems just eat away at me without any help.

I am trying to be better at these things, so help me, I am but it is just so hard.  And some things you just have to accept; I finally came to terms with the fact that I really just have no sense of direction, and I never will have one.  Some things you just can’t fix.

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