After reading a shoe post today I was re-inspired to write one of my own. You see, there is a lot of misunderstanding between men and women out there about the woman’s shoe imperative.
First, I would like to say, not all shoes of the same color are the same. At all. This may be largely true with men’s shoes, people but even a “basic” black shoe is anything but. I confess, I probably have about thirty pairs of black shoes, but I assure you, they are all different. Notice that brilliant use of italics there? I just figured out how to do that. But seriously, about the black shoes, I have many and they each serve a different purpose. I have a pair of black dress flip flops. Now maybe only in the south do people understand the difference between flip flops and dress flip flops, but it exists. These are beaded and rather fancy, and are suitable for wearing with, say, a summer sundress. I have a pair of black Rockport Mary Janes, which are short on cute but fabulous for trips with lots of walking, as they can be worn with or without socks, and with pants or with skirts. I have a pair of low-heeled black sandals with gold trim and a pair with silver trim. This is imperative, as one may accessorize with either gold or silver. I have a pair of black gladiator sandals. These are of late a fashion must. I have a pair of black dress pumps. These are always a fashion must, for basic wear with dress outfits. I have some black wedges with studs which were simply me and they screamed at me to buy them. I have a pair of black booties, which go with pants or skirts. I have a pair of high-heeled black boots in mid- and full-height. I have a pair of low heeled equestrian boots. I have some black maribou mules that I can wear around the house with sexy lingerie (I didn’t say I DID, I just said I CAN). I have a necessary pair of black clogs, to wear in the fall and winter with jeans. I mean seriously, how could I do without any of these things? My husband does not understand this, though not for lack of explaining.
Second, shoes make a woman feel sexy. They elongate you and make you look taller and tuck your butt in. Women like to feel sexy. Believe me, men, you want your woman to feel sexy. Also, chosen correctly, they complete a specific outfit and all the women around you will notice that and be green with envy. Having the women around you be green with envy is the key to any social situation. It will just plain cheer you right the heck up. Receiving compliments from the women around you on your clothes and shoes is a huge ego booster.
Third, and most important, shoes are our friends. I cannot stress this enough, people. With the exception of pregnancy, your shoes do not betray you. You may be thirty pounds overweight, but by God, those shoes are still going to fit (except for boots which are tight in the calves, which are a pretty minimal subset, frankly). Yep, shoes are our friends. They do not turn on us when we get fat, unlike our clothes. which let us know pretty quickly that we are no longer loved. You don’t have to go out and buy a whole bunch of new shoes if you gain weight, and you don’t need to buy new ones if you lose it. The only exception to this is the spreading of feet during pregnancy, which is not always reversible. But this just gives you an excuse to go out and buy all new ones!
I hope that I have managed to explain the woman’s shoe imperative. A man who understands this always has an edge over a man who does not. It makes you appear very savvy indeed. And some women, although aware they love shoes, may not always be aware of exactly why. So, you’re welcome. Case made.