Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Archive for the tag “lists”

Weird Things I Hate

This may seem negative and self-centered but I’m going somewhere with this. First, I have tried to feature things that are particular to me, or at least my personality, so you won’t find “cancer” or “thieves” in here. Everyone hates those things.  Second, I would like participation from my loyal readers.  Do you totally agree with something, is there something you’d like to add to the list, or do you think that one of my items makes me an complete ignoramus?  Why?  Leave me a discussion!  Third, I’d like to use this list as a springboard for future blog posts, and I’d like to encourage you to do the same!  Expound on an item, argue for or against it.  I’ve thrown these out in no particular order of any kind.  Some are damn trivial.  Some could keep us talking for years.  If something on here inspires a post, it would be awesome if you put a link or a pingback to this blog.  I want to see!  Last, I intend to create a similar list of things I love, and I won’t include anything like “love”, or “world peace”, which would be obvious and not indicative of an individual.

1.  Things that can eat me.
2.  Monkeys.
3.  Cameo jewelry.
4.  Trucker hats on women.
5.  Any phrase beginning with Keep Calm And…
6. The word “colorway”.
7.  The use of the word “dashboard” to denote a control panel of any kind.
8.  Plastic jewelry.
9.  Brighton jewelry – higher than sterling prices for base metal crap
10. King Arthur Court pewter and the fact that they didn’t even bother to put the apostrophe in.
11. Referring to plus sizes as “Women”.  What the hell are the rest of us supposed to be?  Kids?  Robots?  Stepford Wives?
12. The name “Dress Barn”.
13. PC bullshit
14. Proselytizing.
15. Insect mandibles.
16. That sinking and panicky feeling you get when you realize you may have left something important somewhere.
17.  Bills for magazine renewals when they are nowhere near due to be renewed.
18. Brown recluse spiders
19. That moment when you’re typing along and feeling really excited about what you’re writing and you realize that you’ve just hit some random key that made the whole freaking paragraph disappear, and Ctrl-Z will not bring it back.
20. Windows 8
21. My kid’s homework
22. Paper cuts.  Under your fingernail.
23. Eggplant.
24. The smell of crickets
25. Wire coat hangers
26. Fax machines
27. Any TV show containing the word “reality”.
28. Super skinny jeans
29. Selling things.
30. Wrestle Mania
31. Motion activated sinks
32. Asymmetry.
33. The color yellow.
33. The Minneapolis-St Paul airport.
34. Carrying 12-pack can boxes.
35. Those hideous flat Ugg boots.
36. Tom’s shoes.
37.  Getting called in to deliver a baby at 6 AM when your call is over at 7.
38. My phone”s autocorrect.
39. Being really angry shaky hungry.
40. Filling out forms.
41. Being bothered in the middle of something.
42. Cheap stinky candles.
43. People who call you while you are in the middle of texting.
44. Small talk.
45. Bungee jumping
46. Marathoners
47. Ignorance, particularly willful.
48. Small mindedness.
49. People who say “I’m not creative.”  What in the hell is that supposed to mean?  Human beings are born creative.
50. Medical insurance companies.
51. Pear yogurt.
52. Self-help books.
53. Bigotry, hatred, intolerance, and any permutation therein.
54. Conceit.
55. Elitism.
56. Stepford wives
57. Nordic tracks
58. Maxi pads.
59. Cascade commercials.
60. Ads for weight loss products -they’re lying through their teeth and taking advantage of a group of people who are desperate enough to try anything.
61. Panty hose.
62. Ads for super-expensive, super-enriched pure beef and chicken and gluten-free pet food when people are starving to death all over this planet.
63. Sperry topsiders.
64. Virtually anyone with the last name Kardashian.
65. Plums.
66. Banana pudding.
67.  Figuring out the switches on ceiling fans.
68.  The reset button on hotel hair dryers.
69. Malingerers.
70. People who want to have something wrong with them when they are well.
71.  Picky eaters.
72. Crystal meth.
73. People with Borderline Personality Disorder who proudly proclaim that they have it.
74. Accutane.
75. Tornado sirens.
76. Chitlins.
77. Packing plant trucks full of chickens.
78. Daylight Savings Time.
79. Winter.
80. People who put apostrophes on plurals.
81. Bulkhead seats
82. The smell of the water in the vase when you leave the flowers in them a little too long.
83. Dog poop.
84. Trying on bathing suits.
85. Chain restaurants.
86. Airplane bathrooms.
87. People who pee all over the damn toilet seat.
88. Fake leather, or no tag on the item to describe whether it is leather or not..
89. Paying full price for anything.
90. Liquid paper.
91. Double butt underwear – those of you who were gifted with curvaceous bottoms know what I mean – the leg elastic cuts your butt cheeks in half and makes you look like you have 4 buttocks back there.
92. Being interrupted.
93. Fruit flies.
94. Kale.
95. People who put green shit in smoothies.
96. People who “forget to eat”.
97. Stupid or guilt-inducing Facebook memes.
98. Carbonated water.
99.  Pop-up ads.
100.Formulaic pointless movies for mass consumption

(More Than) Ten Kinds Of Facebook Friends

1.  Prints lyrics from songs inexplicably.

2.  Launches diatribes against ex.

3.  Posts multiple baby pictures daily even when there is dirty underwear in the background and you can barely see the baby.

4.  Cuts and pastes dozens of tacky platitudes complete with unicorn pictures.

5.  Is actually selling something.

6.  Posts rabid fan pictures of favorite sports team and posts hate mail for rivals

7.  Logs on once in a blue moon.

8.  Uses Facebook  like Google and asks questions.

9.  Prints pet pictures, pet platitudes and pet adoption pictures.

10. Announces every move:  what’s for dinner, who had a dirty diaper changed, waiting in line at Starbucks.

11. Posts hilarious jokes and cartoons.  You await their every post.

12. Talks about how bad life is, and how depressed they are.

13. Prints never ending supply of hardline politics.

14. Plays Facebook games constantly and sends endless game requests.

15. Has the how-great-my-life-is syndrome and posts constantly enviable stories and photos.

16. Collects friends they hardly know like a dryer collects lint.

17. Posts daily pictures of themselves

18. Acts as a news service:  Why that ambulance was on 10th street, why the cops were out on the bridge.

19. Posts drunken party pictures.

20. Picks fights.

Ten Reasons to Blog

1.  Clawing, indefatiguable need for public attention/adoration

2.  Boredom at work

3.  Urge to show off SAT vocabulary

4.  Nowhere else to put all those silly pictures

5.  Gut wrenching angst and need to express it

6.  More socially redeeming than Pinterest

7.  Frighten friends and family with the threat of personal embarassment

8.  Use cuss words that you would never use around people that you actually know

9.  Revenge

10. A desire to join a community of like-minded writers to share in group snarkiness

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