Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Archive for the tag “writing”

One Thousand Suckers Born Every Day

This week I hit an amazing milestone – over 1,000 followers! I wanted to make a very special post to commemorate this and it struck me – I don’t know what to say.

I never dreamed I would have such a following. I started this blog as a way to hone my writing skills while ranting about mundane issues that no one else wants to hear me rant about.

This blog was started several years ago, but it has only been active the last two. I began with the near-daily postings when I found myself in a soul-crushing job that, thanks to the wonders of computers and “paperless” technology, had had its productivity slowed to a screeching halt. So while I waited for my nurse to do the hour’s worth of computer processing necessary for each patient, I was sitting and staring at my laptop. Miserable. Angry. And suddenly I remembered this little blog thing I had.

The more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. Funny stuff, indignant stuff, deep stuff, angry stuff. I learned how to add pictures – big advancement!

I’ve been taking a look back at my older posts and I would like to encourage you not to read them. They’re not very good. They’re not so well written, and they make me look like an irritable old curmudgeon. (Which I am, if a woman can be curmudgeonly).

As I wrote, I became aware of this little thing called “Freshly Pressed”. I had been nominated for a few other blogging awards, but this Freshly Pressed thing became my holy grail – my quest – a measure of my worthy blogitude. I never thought I would get it, but I kept writing. I even wrote a post about wanting to be freshly pressed.

I got Freshly Pressed. It was a blog about my daughter’s softball practice and you can find it here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/everybody-move-up/
It was personal to me – so much so that I cried while I read it to my husband. Maybe that showed. At any rate, It happened!

I was ecstatic. Wanted to tell everyone I knew. Didn’t. Told the people who count though. Then, the weirdest thing happened: I stopped writing. It seems that attaining my seemingly unattainable goal told my brain, “Welp, nothing more to do here.”

After nearly daily posts, months went by before I got back to it. I grant, I had just begun some fairly extensive traveling for work, which was a big adjustment, but I could have written. A lot of that work time was sent sitting in hotels waiting for a call from Labor and Delivery.

And suddenly, I wanted to write again. I felt embarrassed about neglecting my blog – I had put so much into it, and when success happened, I bailed. Reverse psychology.

But this week I hit it big. Over 1,000 followers! Holy crap! I will say, guys, that I wish you would comment a lot more. I love comments. It even says so right in my blog. I will answer them all.

I’ve been following my stats with some interest. Of course, my most popular post was the Freshly Pressed one. But I never suspected that this next post would make it so big.

I am a gynecologist, and I have written a number of posts on that subject, humorous or not, angry or not, or just plain boring. The MOST frequent search term BY FAR, the one that gets me multiple hits daily is some variant of “does my gynecologist care if I shave?” I wrote a post some time ago, the one that everyone on the net seems to read, which you can see here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/things-your-obgyn-never-tells-you/ If you don’t feel like reading the post, the answer is, no, we could care less if you don’t shave. We only notice that you didn’t shave if you say, “I’m sorry I didn’t shave.” Then, of course, we feel compelled to look. But we still don’t care.

My two favorite posts are silly, and they are pretty similar. They will be funny to you if you are a) a woman or b) have ever been involved with one. The first is funny things my patients have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/things-my-patients-say-to-me/ and the second is about funny things that men have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/things-that-men-say/ .

So. 1,000 followers. I am honored beyond belief. Looking back at some of my old posts, I’m not sure what on earth you see in there. But the presence of 1,000+ followers is sure a motivating factor to produce some writing of quality. So I am going to try my best. (Which may result in a drastically decreased number of postings).

So thank you for following! (Bows down multiple times). “I am not worthy! I am not worthy!” But I hope to be.

Freshly Pressed: The Aftermath

I feel all obligated, in the wake of my fabulously flattering Fresh Pressing, to come up with exciting, insightful blogs for all my new followers who will be expecting great things to me.  (That’s why yesterday I posted a photo of my jewelry in a hotel bathtub).

First, I must say that being Freshly Pressed was all that I dreamed of and more.  Ever since I found out what Freshly Pressed was, I was dying to be chosen for it, as I suppose an overwhelming majority of bloggers must.  Maybe not.  Maybe not everyone thrives on praise and stroking the way I do.

When I got the email, there was a lot of excited shrieking, followed by a bit of disappointment that there really weren’t too many people I could share my exciting news with.  After all, I don’t want people who actually know me to follow my blog.  It’s just too personal.  I find a lot of bloggers feel that way; it’s easier to share the dirty little details with relative strangers than it is to share with people who are in your life, who might judge or feel differently about you.  I couldn’t even tell my parents, because I don’t want them reading my blog.  So, my husband was it.  And half the blogosphere.

It wasn’t as hard to keep up with the likes and comments as I thought it would be.  One thing I did fall down at doing was checking out the blogs of my new followers.  I’ll be doing that next.  I did manage to answer all the comments.  Everyone was overwhelmingly kind.  No one said anything mean at all.  I had decided I would not delete negative comments, unless they were obscene and abusive, because I feel everybody has the right to their opinion, and I was not going to censor just because the commentor and I didn’t see eye to eye.  But I didn’t even have to contemplate that, because everyone was really supportive and nice.

This Fresh Pressing was what I needed to jump start my blogging again.  For months, I produced a post a day, but kind of fell down on the job when I started working as a travel doctor.  It was easier for me to post daily before I changed jobs, because we were on a computer medical records system, and it took the nurses so damn long to enter their data, that I found myself twiddling my thumbs, surfing the net, and, ultimately, revisiting my blog to use up the time I had to spend waiting between patients.  Once I began traveling, I had day trips to make to explore my surroundings, call to take, television to distract me (we don’t have cable at home), and a rebirth of interest in my jewelry making.  I fell behind on my posts and went almost a whole month without producing one.

So this has been just a super encouragement to me, and I feel so gratified and flattered that I must consider some better posts.  Once I get home, I’ll have access to my photos on my desktop, and I can start responding to photo challenges and putting pictures into my posts.  Right now I’m just trying to keep up.  For the past week, I’ve been on call for 5 of the 7 days I’ve been here.  That’s kept me a little busy.  I have managed to keep up using my Android Word Press app, which I really must give kudos to.  It’s a great app!  You can upload photos from your phone to your posts, write posts on your phone and submit them, and access all the categories available on the site.  The Reader, Freshly Pressed, My Posts, Comments, and Stats are all available there, and much more.

So today I’ve been doing a little writing.  I hope I’ve been able to give y’all a feeling for the Freshly Pressed experience, if you have not been so yourself.  I will now try to increase the quality and quantity of my writing, and perhaps I will not feel compelled to print pics of my jewelry in a bathtub.  But I probably will continue with the foolishness – I like foolishness.  If you are new followers, I hope you will enjoy this blog.  If you are long term followers, I sure thank you for sticking with me!

I think my next post may be a summary of what this blog is about (although there are a pretty broad range of topics).  My Categories section pretty much explains things as well as I can.  But I’ll see what I can do for creating an overarching mission statement, so to speak.  Happy Saturday, everyone!

Liebster Award!

I was so excited to be nominated for the Liebster Award by Surprise Mama!  It is supposed to be an award for a newer blog with under 200 followers.  I literally believe that I hit 200 at the very moment she nominated me, so I’m going to accept it!

Liebster Award!

In order to accept this award, I need to post 11 random facts about me, answer the 11 questions posed by my nominator (Surprise Mama– check out her wonderful tales about new mamahood), nominate 11 other blogs, and ask the nominees 11 questions of my own.

First, the 11 totally random facts about me:

1.  I am a Gemini, and my whole life I have loved agate.  I carried one around since age 5 (I still have it).  I found out only in my 30’s that agate is my zodiac stone!!  How weird is that?

2.  No matter what I do, I can’t keep my eyeliner from smudging.

3.  My biggest hobby is beadwork.  I have an attic full o’ beads at home and beaded creations all over the house.  I attend the Bead and Button Show annually in Milwaukee.  I think this will be my 7th year!  I have recently introduced my 7 year old daughter to the joys of beading – she’s a natural!  I’ll insert a shameless plug in here too, for my Etsy jewelry site.

4.  I am terrified of sharks and bears.  I don’t even like to swim in lakes because I am convinced that there will be a confused shark in there.

5.  I think my husband is the smartest guy alive.

6.  I love to eat at Sonic.  They have sweet potato tots, you can get Sprite Zero with sugar free flavors added, and they make the best malteds evah.  What’s not to like?  They even have a happy hour!

7.  My mom was a French teacher.  My whole life growing up, I had to study French.  I even had language tapes to do while I washed the dishes.

8.  I love photography.  I especially love shooting wildlife and children in action.  I am begging my hubs for a longer telephoto lens as we speak.

9.  I am a music crazed audiophile.  I have a huge music collection.  I like just about every genre, but my fave is Techno/Electronica/Dance

10. I know cuss words in Turkish.  Don’t ask.

11. I was born in Los Angeles.  Somehow I wound up in Alabama.  Go figure.  I am really a big city girl.

Questions from Surpise Mama:

1.  My favorite book that was made into a movie was To Kill A Mockingbird.  And yes, the movie totally rocks!

2.  I would usually choose chocolate over vanilla.

3.  My proudest moment (or moments) have been watching my little daughter turn into the wonderful person that she is.  I like to think I had something to do with that.  🙂

4.  The best job or volunteer position I ever held was when I was paid by the university biology department to take care of the amphibians and reptiles while their owner/professor was away.  I held hellbenders, fed rare land tortoises, stroked snakes, and wiggled my fingers in the piranha tank to see if I could get them to bite me.  Nope.

5.  Definitely stilettos over sneakers.  I am all about comfort but I throw caution to the winds when it comes to a gorgeous pair of shoes.  I am petite, so the higher the heel, the better.  I think shoes from this decade are about as sexy as they have ever been.

6.  If I were to teach a class, it would be called “Intro To Beadwork”.  I love to teach.

7.  If I were to take a class, it would most assuredly have the word “bead” in it somewhere.

8.  The best gift I ever received was my annual birthday trip to Bead and Button.  I know.  Enough with the beads already.

9.  My favorite blog is Other Nations.  I am total biology/science geek, and this guy writes about fascinating stuff.  One of his blogs was about beetles that shoot acid out of their butts.  I’m not kidding.  He even cites references for his pieces.  And they’re usually about something crazy like the world’s most amazing animal penises.  And he’s totally hilarious.  He has this deadpan humor that just cracks me up.

10. If I could travel around the world, 5 destinations that I would not miss would be Morocco, Madagascar, the Galapagos Islands, Thailand and Italy.

11. What scares me?  Lots of things scare me.  I mentioned sharks and bears.  As a physician, the thought of having to deal with a disastrous medical emergency scares the hell out of me.  Daily.

Next, I nominate 11 blogs to which I would like to pass on the Liebster Award.

1.  Uncomfortably Honest and Honestly Uncomfortable – this blog is as advertised.  Not much is off limits with this woman and I love her blunt, frank truthfulness and her fearlessness at tackling topics that most people would not wish to discuss.

2.  Candid Kay – I think she is one of the sweetest bloggers I know.  She’s always quick with a comment and I always leave her posts feeling somehow uplifted.

3.  From Playgrounds To Politics – this blog indeed covers a wide range of topics, and I really enjoy this writer’s take on her subjects.

4.  Homemade Sarcasm – according to the author herself, this blog offers “a sarcastic view on cooking, baking, and everything crafty”

5.  Rosie Smartie Pants – very intimately visits issues that many of us relate to:  depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and coping with day-to-day setbacks.

6.  A Girl Named Clay – in the words of the author herself, “life – love – feminism & the written word”.  Very well written.

7.  Rose Chimera – one of my friends from blogosphere – has been through a lot and has a lot to say.

8.  Breaking The (Shopping) Contract – a confessed reforming debtor and shopaholic – she shares tips on managing stress, returning to school, and with each post shares her tally of “unnecessary” purchases for that period.  We can all relate.

9 – 11.  HELLFIRE.  Do I have to give up the award?  Most of the blogs I follow have more than 200 followers, I find.  I will keep combing the web and will update this with 3 more nominees.

Now for my 11 questions for my nominees:  (Drum Roll)

1.  What are you worst at?

2.  What is your favorite type of music?

3.  Do you consider yourself creative?

4.  Where were you born?

5.  If you could be reincarnated as an animal, what would you be?

6.  What do you think about Facebook?

7.  What was the worst date you ever went on?

8.  If your blog could be remembered for one thing, what would it be?

9.  Share one childhood fear.

10. What is your favorite season?

11. Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?

Thanks again to Surprise Mama for the flattering nomination!  I’m all exhausted now, just from checking to see that all my links work.  I’ll just have time to iron my scrubs (ha) and check on my Pinterest (total addict) and it’s off to bed for me!

Better Learning Through Blogging

I’m learning a lot from writing this blog, but I’m not sure if I’m happy with what I’m learning.  First thing I’ve learned, is that I seem to have an embarrassing clawing need for validation.  I’m always checking for comments, and likes, and I’m always praying for awards and Fresh Pressing.  I guess most people have some of that in them.  It’s a rare person who doesn’t care what others think, to some extent.  But I would be happier to be a little more independent.

Second of all, I don’t seem to know shit about much.  I know a lot about being an Ob/Gyn, because I am one, but there is only so much I can write about that.  Details about surgeries and such will bore most readers.  And I can’t write much about patients, because I don’t want anyone to recognize themselves in my writing.  That’s a violation of privacy, and if I am found violating HIPAA laws, I can be fined in the six digits.  I can’t afford that. 

I really don’t know much about current events.  I mean, embarassingly little.  I think I have deliberately divorced myself from a lot of the news, because none of it seems to be good, and there seems to be a lot of idiocy.  The recent election about drove me insane.  I just pulled away and refused to discuss it with anyone.  So anytime I am asked to discuss current events, I just shy away.  I am woefully ignorant.

I’m also not nearly as funny as I thought I was.  I mean, I am funny in a quick comeback one-off kind of a way, but when it comes to writing prose with consistent humor, I fall far short of the mark.  I think this is the most depressing and most surprising thing that I’ve learned.  The other things I pretty much knew anyway.  But not being funny!  That’s a major slap in the face.  I used to could be funny (notice that Southern sentence construct), but something has happened to me.  I think that something is a worsening depression.  Nothing is funny when you’re depressed.  And my life is so monotonous.  You need some variation in life to be able to draw humor from it, not the same thing day in and day out.  I can exhaust the humor in my job in a couple of posts.  (Actually, that’s not true.  A lot of funny things happen in the course of the day, but a lot of the humor is particular to my subspecialty and not everyone will get it.)  And the humor that people will get involves poking fun at my patients, which is easy to do, but once again may violate privacy regulations.

Next, I really need some friends.  I have immersed myself in work and family for so long I have little time left for anything else.  I seem to be making some friends in the blogging community, which has stirred some dormant need in me to find a friend to confide in.  There is no one in town I can call friend; there a few physicians that I am friendly with, but I wouldn’t call them to go eat dinner or call them with a problem.  I am really a pretty lonely person.  And I don’t like being lonely.

I also find myself paying a  lot more attention to others’ writing styles.  I am reading Mary Karr’s Lit right now and I notice how she interweaves poetry with her narrative.  And I also noticed she doesn’t use quotation marks when doing dialogue, which I find quite interesting.  This is at least helping me develop my own style, although that style seems to be stilted and stuffy.

I also didn’t realize what a decent photographer I am.  I love photography; I have taken a lot of pictures in my life, but I’ve noticed a lot of my posts really revolve around my photographs.  And the posts that get the most positive comments seem to be photography.  I never would imagine that I would fall in with a group of photographers more than a group of writers!  That’s one good thing I’ve learned that actually makes me happy.  I’ve become more proud of my photography.

So, I’ve learned a lot about myself by writing this blog.  I’ve also learned that I am a creature who operates by rote and by habit; I have taken the challenge to produce a post daily to heart.  I’ve even prepared a post to be released on Thanksgiving day, since I will be at my parents’ house that day.  I doubt anyone will read it, but if they look, it will be there.  This post is actually for tomorrow, since I’ve already presented one for today.  So – totally anal retentive, which I already knew.  The blog seems to be a reflection of my personality, which is probably not all that interesting an observation, as that is probably true of everyone.  My vow for 2013?  Try to be funnier!  Look for the humor in life.  Maintain a positive attitude.  These are the goals that this blog has helped me to reach for.  These are the goals that I need to achieve anyway.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I am beyond excited this morning for I have been nominated for my first blogging award:  The Very Inspiring Blogger Award!  I have been hoping for an honor like this since I started blogging!  I am to post and follows the rules for this blogging award.  The rules are as follows: 

1.  Display the award logo on your blog – done!

2.  Link back to the person who nominated you:   masadiso79’s blog

      Thank you so much masadiso79 for this terrific honor!  You have awarded me my first ever blogging award and I am so excited!

3.  State 7 things about yourself:

     I hate spiders – we have found brown recluse spiders in our house

     Jewelry making is my biggest passion.

     My favorite food is a chocolate malt from Sonic

     Photography is another favorite passion of mine; I love photographing children.

     I once tried hang gliding, wind surfing and sky diving.  I wasn’t any good at any of them.

     I am an Ob/Gyn by day and do all my other hobbies by night and on weekends

     I just restarted this blog in July after it had lain dormant for over a year.

4.  Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them:  (In no particular order)

     Life in Pint-Sized Form

    Fat Lies and Fairy Tales


     Sorta Ginger:  The Ramblings of a Quasi-Redhead


     Rose Chimera’s Rantings

     The Kitchen Slattern Speaks

     Singing Pigs

     Sass and Balderdash

     The numpty novice with a compact camera and a laptop


     Jeff Sinon Photography

     I Am

     Mz. Eve


5.  Notify nominees of award nomination and rules for acceptance.  – Done!  Wow, I’m out of breath!  Thank you again for this great honor – it truly made my day!

Daily Prompt: Three Letter Words

In case anyone is wondering about this bizarre blog post, a challenge is thrown down to create a blog post with no three letter words.  I am unsure what to write, except today is Friday, indeed, I am on call this weekend so there will be no break.  I already have a leftover labor patient – my partner is trying unsuccessfully to induce these past three days.  I will be stuck with delivering, probably by c-section, alone without help this weekend.  In addition, my husband is hosting an overnight visit with my daughter’s best friends, so we will be invaded by small children overnight on Saturday.  He hired a babysitter to come help on Saturday through Sunday, so he won’t be entirely alone if I am stuck at work.  I’m unsure what he thought when he decided to have this little party on a weekend when I am on call.

I am unsuccessfully dieting.  Up until today, I have lost exactly 1 1/2 pounds, which really doesn’t impress.  I snarfed down a large salad last night.  It contained some pretty healthful things:  mushrooms, peas, fresh bacon with blue cheese dressing.  OK, blue cheese isn’t exactly a diet food.  I am doing much better, though, than in past weeks, where I carelessly stuffed down milkshakes with mozarella cheese sticks, or french fries, or chocolate meringue.  My husband is doing Atkins diet, which always works on Kevin, doesn’t work on me.  It used to work; I think my metabolism is screwed up.  I can’t lose weight to save my soul.  I am very discouraged.

I am eagerly awaiting this week’s photo challenge.  I think those will be my favorite posts.  More readers seem to come to photography than to other subjects.  I have some good pictures stashed away that I will post on Weekly Photography Challenge.  I am so excited about my camera, because I have asked my husband to obtain a macro lens to go on my camera for Christmas.  He found 2 to choose from.  I will look at them when (if) I come home tonight.  Hopefully I won’t be stuck late with a delivery.  That first one he found is an autofocus.  That second one is a closer focal length without autofocus.  I will be thrilled to have either.  My mother wants to look at what Kevin found also, having been searching macros herself.

We’re preparing to go to my parents’ house at Thanksgiving.  This year, my mother wants me to bring a side dish with a dessert that we like.  I cannot decide what to prepare.  I am looking forward to visiting with them, however.  Amanda is really looking forward to spending some time with grandparents.  I think we will do Christmas at home with my folks coming here.  We won’t have to carry a whole bunch of Amanda’s presents back home.  Then, those holidays will be over already; I will feel bereft, wintry, cold.

This no three-letter word thing is very interesting.  It is a good challenge with vocabulary or grammar.  Considering, I think I have done pretty good at composing this post.  I wonder if it would be possible to do without four letter words??!!

Daily Prompt: Be The Change

I wasn’t so much hoping for a change with the blog as I was hoping for a clarification.  All my life I’ve been convinced that I had at least one novel in me.  I was hoping these little writings would bring the pieces of a novel into focus, and bring my life into focus with it.  I had a pretty tumultuous adolescence, and a fair amount of upheaval in my young adult life.  I was troubled, and rebellious, which sprung from my mundane childhood as a young prodigy and the belief that there had to be something out there that was wicked and more interesting.  I longed for excitement.  My parents were as safe and as bland as the Cleavers and I couldn’t believe anything they told me about bad things out in the world as they had obviously never experienced any of them.  My mother was homecoming queen at her large state university, and my father was in law school.  They met shortly after this and my mom married him not long out of college after teaching French and Spanish in a prestigious Colorado neighborhood.  I was born when Mom was 23 and my dad was 32.  From then on, my mom did her utmost to see that my performance in all areas of life was superlative.  She taught me words with blocks before I was walking.  I did multipiece jigsaws about the time I started to walk.  I was her certified One Trick Pony all through my childhood, and I obediently leeped through my hoops and trotted and cantered in time to her light whip and hackneyed circus music.

When I hit adolescence, I began to question everything, including the need to bring home straight A’s.  I felt that my grades singled me out for negative attention from my fellow students, and I began deliberately letting my grades slide to ward off their unwanted criticism.  I got involved with a number of negative, destructive things which unfortunately persisted into young adulthood.  When I finally got through all that, I was left with an “is that all there is?” feeling that haunted me through later years.  A husband and child failed to fill the void and I have been stumbling through my life since then, going through the motions, waiting for something to happen that never comes.

I think I’m hoping that this blog will be a form of therapy.  Although I’m afraid to put some of the truths of my life “out there” on the internet, I can feel my resistance breaking down as I read some of the things that have been shared by the community here.  Unfortunately, I can’t afford to share too much, as I am a physician in a small town and some things I write may be held against me.  I have made sure that no one in town (except my husband) is aware that I even have a blog.  There are just some things that I don’t want to share with friends and acquaintances that I can share with absolute strangers.  Paradoxically true.  Even my husband being aware of the blog has had some repercussions – he has found some of the things I’ve shared to be things that I should have instead shared with him.  Again, sometimes it’s easier to communicate with relative strangers. 

I am digging into my past now to try to find some nuggets with humor or at least truth that I can share in this blog.  And if I can make sense of where I’ve been, maybe I can figure out where I’m going.

Blogging Soul

Blogging is like fishing for shiny pieces of your soul to put together to make works of art for others to see.  Sometime the grit sneaks in; sometimes ugly pieces are uncovered that somehow won’t be put back.  The end result is a collage of feelings, thoughts, opinions and the occasional snarkiness.  I find myself mining my brain for the perfect chunks that describe exactly how I feel.  I want to put my best thoughts forward, because a blog piece is like a microcosm of its author.  Sometimes our writing tells too much about us; our true voice sneaks through despite our attempts to conceal or silence it.  A blog is in fact itself a metaphor; the post and its author are inseparable.


I must confess, this whole blogging thing is a bit confusing. I want to write deep, honest commentary, but according to my husband, someone I know will eventually find this blog and hold something I say against me. But they say to make an effective blog, you should always try to write with brutal honesty. Well, most of my brutal honesty points exactly at one (or a few) people without disguise.

Also, there is the whole uploading of pictures/video/music which completely fails me, as I write this blog on my work computer and I have no pictures/video/music on it to upload. I am a very primitive, shackled blogger.

What I need to develop is a blog that absolutely does not have my name on it anywhere so that the search engines will not find it. Then I can write about my foolish coworkers and patients with impunity. Also, my husband knows that I have a blog, so I might have to watch what I say there.

Basically, what I need to do is write a book and retire, and then I can say (almost) whatever I want. Retirement is really where it’s at. How did I get from a blog to retirement, you may ask? Answer: everyone else is writing books from their blogs! Why shouldn’t I? Just because what I have to say is stale and unfascinating, well, that shouldn’t have anything to do with it! So I will go ahead and keep writing the varnished truth, and try to get something out there every day so I will gain a collective readership (I have a readership of uh, one right now).

Surely someone will be bored enough to read my blog! So far I’ve only ever gotten one comment on anything I’ve written, and OK, that was a friend of mine, but that’s OK.

I’ve gotten lots of spam and that should be worth SOMETHING! Question: why do people spam the comment section of a blog? I can see trying to sneak in an advertisement for something but these just say things that should have come out of bizarre Japanese toy assembly instructions, like, “This have been very useful, is training boy.” What. The. Heck?? What is the point of that?

The blog has its very own spam checker, however, and has craftily caught several hundred spams in the spam trap. Actually, that would be a great name for a book. “The Spam Trap.” That could be about anything. Maybe that will be my blog book title.

Nothing Is Funny

Some days nothing is funny.  I would very much like to write a whimsical rollicking blog, but I keep being hit over the head with the fact that nothing is funny.
I am on call today, so my sense of humor is at an all time low.  All I can occupy my mind with is all the horrible things that may happen to me today.  I have had a never ending line of patients rolling through labor and delivery, all of whom have required way too much attention. 
Whimisical and rollicking are hardly where I am at.  I keep trying to think of anything funny, anything at all.  Sometimes when I babble like this, something funny will pop into my head.  I transported a very ill patient to a tertiary hospital yesterday, but there was nothing funny about THAT.  In fact, it was terrifying.  The girl had blood pressures of 220s over 130s, which is horrifying.  I was convinced she was going to have a seizure in the ambulance en route.  The nurse that rode with her was terrified also.  In fact, we joked that we had put our big girl panties on and then pooped in them.  Her baby had to be delivered at 25 weeks, and will have a terribly long road ahead of it.  Not funny.

My husband is attempting to roll over my 401K from the old office into another account.  Not interesting.  He keeps texting me with questions about four digit pins and my mother’s maiden name.  It is a pain in the butt for him that he keeps getting stuck with all this stuff.  We were originally told that we would have to take the money out; that we could not roll it over.  It turned out that we could roll it over, so that was good, but hardly funny.

I notice that the blog is not automatically keeping track of the number of words or autosaving, so I may lose this entire thing.  I don’t think that would be funny.  Someone might find it so, but not me.  It would probably be a good thing, since this is turning out to be fairly depressing.

I have 3 cervidil inductions today, which is not funny either.  They will go into labor on me overnight.  My husband is bringing my daughter by with dinner for us, which is sweet, but, you know, not humorous.  I don’t know what he is bringing, so it is a surprise.  I have a feeling it will be ChickFilet.  I am drinking my second 40 oz diet Pepsi of the day.  No humor there.  Unless you make jokes about me floating away.  Which would also not be funny, but stupid. 

I did two circumcisions at lunch.  The first baby sounded like a squealing piglet.  He had the most piercing cry.  Both turned out very pretty, but I’m sure the babies would have passed on the procedure, given the choice.  They are not, however, given a choice. 

I saw a patient this afternoon whose IUD fell out and now she is pregnant.  No joy there.  She is pretty unhappy.  This will be her fourth child.  Nothing too amusing about a vanishing method of birth control that sneakily disappears when you are not looking. 

Well, I have typed and typed and nothing is funny.  I haven’t really written about anything either.  I have made it my goal to write a blog a day, and if things don’t get more humorous soon I (and any unfortunate readers) are in for a long haul.  One of our nurses just walked by and told me it took her four flushes for her toilet paper to go down.  Now THAT’S kind of funny.

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