Rants from the Crib

An Ob/Gyn gone mad

Archive for the tag “blog”

One Thousand Suckers Born Every Day

This week I hit an amazing milestone – over 1,000 followers! I wanted to make a very special post to commemorate this and it struck me – I don’t know what to say.

I never dreamed I would have such a following. I started this blog as a way to hone my writing skills while ranting about mundane issues that no one else wants to hear me rant about.

This blog was started several years ago, but it has only been active the last two. I began with the near-daily postings when I found myself in a soul-crushing job that, thanks to the wonders of computers and “paperless” technology, had had its productivity slowed to a screeching halt. So while I waited for my nurse to do the hour’s worth of computer processing necessary for each patient, I was sitting and staring at my laptop. Miserable. Angry. And suddenly I remembered this little blog thing I had.

The more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. Funny stuff, indignant stuff, deep stuff, angry stuff. I learned how to add pictures – big advancement!

I’ve been taking a look back at my older posts and I would like to encourage you not to read them. They’re not very good. They’re not so well written, and they make me look like an irritable old curmudgeon. (Which I am, if a woman can be curmudgeonly).

As I wrote, I became aware of this little thing called “Freshly Pressed”. I had been nominated for a few other blogging awards, but this Freshly Pressed thing became my holy grail – my quest – a measure of my worthy blogitude. I never thought I would get it, but I kept writing. I even wrote a post about wanting to be freshly pressed.

I got Freshly Pressed. It was a blog about my daughter’s softball practice and you can find it here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/everybody-move-up/
It was personal to me – so much so that I cried while I read it to my husband. Maybe that showed. At any rate, It happened!

I was ecstatic. Wanted to tell everyone I knew. Didn’t. Told the people who count though. Then, the weirdest thing happened: I stopped writing. It seems that attaining my seemingly unattainable goal told my brain, “Welp, nothing more to do here.”

After nearly daily posts, months went by before I got back to it. I grant, I had just begun some fairly extensive traveling for work, which was a big adjustment, but I could have written. A lot of that work time was sent sitting in hotels waiting for a call from Labor and Delivery.

And suddenly, I wanted to write again. I felt embarrassed about neglecting my blog – I had put so much into it, and when success happened, I bailed. Reverse psychology.

But this week I hit it big. Over 1,000 followers! Holy crap! I will say, guys, that I wish you would comment a lot more. I love comments. It even says so right in my blog. I will answer them all.

I’ve been following my stats with some interest. Of course, my most popular post was the Freshly Pressed one. But I never suspected that this next post would make it so big.

I am a gynecologist, and I have written a number of posts on that subject, humorous or not, angry or not, or just plain boring. The MOST frequent search term BY FAR, the one that gets me multiple hits daily is some variant of “does my gynecologist care if I shave?” I wrote a post some time ago, the one that everyone on the net seems to read, which you can see here: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/things-your-obgyn-never-tells-you/ If you don’t feel like reading the post, the answer is, no, we could care less if you don’t shave. We only notice that you didn’t shave if you say, “I’m sorry I didn’t shave.” Then, of course, we feel compelled to look. But we still don’t care.

My two favorite posts are silly, and they are pretty similar. They will be funny to you if you are a) a woman or b) have ever been involved with one. The first is funny things my patients have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/things-my-patients-say-to-me/ and the second is about funny things that men have said to me: https://beadstork.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/things-that-men-say/ .

So. 1,000 followers. I am honored beyond belief. Looking back at some of my old posts, I’m not sure what on earth you see in there. But the presence of 1,000+ followers is sure a motivating factor to produce some writing of quality. So I am going to try my best. (Which may result in a drastically decreased number of postings).

So thank you for following! (Bows down multiple times). “I am not worthy! I am not worthy!” But I hope to be.

I Could Tell You, But…

Well, dammit, what’s a girl to do? I have been trying to do the postaday things for about six months now, and I’ve been mostly succeeding, but recently, most of my posts have had to be private, because of highly sensitive material. Highly sensitive material because I don’t want to be sued or run out of town on a rail. And I’m just DYING to tell a few (thousand) people about them.

Let me just say, the first private post I published was about a guy I used to date who had a closed room full of sadistic pornography. Unfortunately, there were enough details about this (interesting though twisted) guy in the post that someone from that town (and a big town it was) could probably identify him. So, no go.

The second private post I just published was about some business skullduggery that is going on in my town with the Ob/Gyn practices. Suffice to say, I think it’s pretty scummy but I am not at liberty to discuss it. Let’s just say it’s about as low down as you can get. And, no, I am not having anything to do with it. But I would love to rant about it. Publically. But I just can’t. Maybe I’ll publish it a few months down the road, when I am out of here for good.

My husband didn’t even think I should have published the post about my struggles with health insurance and what scumbag bastards those guys are. He seems to think someone who knows me will find it. He has made me totally paranoid about the internet by mumbling things like, “Spiders gonna crawl…” So he’s scaring me about publishing anything really really personal. But isn’t that the point of blogging? Sharing yourself and your most private information with complete strangers? Apparently it isn’t the strangers who are the problem…

So I just really want to let you know, I have all this really hot gossip and I want to share it!  But I can’t.  I just want you guys to know, though, I’m not a slacker.  I’ve written all these hot and controversial posts and I’ve had to publish them privately.  It’s just breaking my heart.  I’d love to have some feedback on em, ya know?  So if my posts seem to be falling by the wayside, I haven’t given up.  My life is just so fascinating and cloak and dagger.  And I’d love to tell you.  But then, as they say, I’d have to kill you.  And it’s so hard to track people down on the internet.

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Stay Away From Computers

I should stay away from computers.  A computer in my hands will just shut down, hiccup, gasp for breath, bring up error messages that I don’t understand.  We use computers at work; we have an online Electronic Health Record for our patients that keeps their charts out somewhere in the Internet ether.  Out in the Cloud, whatever the crap that is.  The laptops and the desktops crash several times a day, losing valuable data that it has taken us valuable time to enter.  A physician’s office is about nothing if not time.

I tried a very stupid experiment tonight.  My WordPress has not been running well and I have to keep using something called Compatibility View.  I am sick of seeing that and WordPress keeps offering me smooth promises of an easy fix:  I have to update my internet browser.

I, me, update my internet browser.  How could I be so presumptuous?  They offer a link to click and there they are, all the browsers with their update info.  They each promise one easy click.  I’m sick of not being able to see my galleries on my own blog posts, so today I clicked.  The hard drive whirred and the screen flickered, and then I had to reboot.  After I rebooted, Everything.  Was.  Different.

I had to go hat in hand downstairs to find my husband.  This is not the first time this has happened.  I watch him with his easy computer skills, clicking on this and flashing back to that and deleting this and adding that and I think, “I can do that.”  I need to stop thinking that.  My computer was completely FUBAR.  I expected him to lecture me; he usually does, but this time, he just said, “Don’t worry.  Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”

Well, I sat and watched him fix it for like an hour.  While he did it, he did some fine tuning, he added some new updates, he added some new safety features.  And I was once again awed with the ease with which he does these things, and the ease with which I do not.  He restored the smoldering wreckage and I seem to have a functioning computer.  I thank him, for more reasons than one.  This gave me a topic for today’s blog post.  I was about to fail at my postaday, and miss my first daily post since about July.  Now I can talk about my complete and utter incompetence with computers.

I am completely incompetent with computers.  I should stick to blog posts and Facebook.  Maybe not even Facebook.  There are scary things you can click there too.  I will stick with email.  And WordPress.  I will say this:  WordPress is running a whole lot more smoothly now.  I should stay away from computers.

My Precious Point Of View


Why does it blogses?  Well, it blogses about the Precious.  The Precious makes us blog.  Our Precious has been with us forever, Precious has, and Precious will be with us forever more.  Precious made us go find a magic computer, one that would work out in the swamp, it has, and our Precious will help us lead the Lesser Ones to a better understanding.  The Lesser Ones never had a Precious, and they never will!  They will never touch our Precious.  Our Precious is ours and ours alone.  My Precious – it makes us disappear from Orclings and Dwarves and Hobbits and others who would steal our Precious from us.  It makes us strong, the Precious.  It brings us peace on wet nights and strength and hunger.  Our Precious protects our last strands of hair, it does, and makes our eyes so bulgy and big.  We can see the Lesser Ones, Precious and we POUNCES and BITES on the wiggly Lesser Ones, we do.  Tasty wiggly ones for you, my Precious.  We will dines on that tasty Hobbit, the one that follow us and wants our Precious.  It will kill the Lesser Ones who would take the Precious from us, and we will eats them, we will, eats them in one bite or maybe two.  And we will slip our Precious on our finger, and it will makes us perfect, yessss it will, MY Precious.  My Precious brought this magic computer to us and we will learn to speaks on it, we will.  We will blogses for the Precious tells us to.  This will warn the nasssty Hobbitses it will, and the Hobbitses will leave the Precious to us.  It will tell the Lesser Ones to leave us to our computer and our Precious.  We will loves the computer and the Precious and the computer will be a Precious to us also, the magic computer that shows us so many worlds and we will beat the worlds and keep the Precious from all of them.  My Precioussssss…

I Want A Fresh Pressing!

Scratching My Head

Scratching My Head

Now as a blogger I have a new obsession.  First, I obsessed about what I was going to write.  Then, I obsessed over how much of my true self I dared reveal in my blog.  Then, I obsessed over Views and Likes and Subscribers and Comments (OK, I’m still obsessing about those.)  I obsessed over blogging awards.  (YES!  I finally got one!)  But now:  I want to be Freshly Pressed!  Oooooh, I want it soooo bad.  Think of all the traffic!  The comments!  The massive self-validation!  It’s gotten so bad, I stalk the other authors in the Weekly Writing and Weekly Photography Challenges, thinking, “MINE is better than that!  Mine is better than that!”  And then “Ooooh, you bitch!”  when I find one that’s better than mine.  The other day I wrote what I thought was a very good blog about life changing in an instant, and then, and THEN, I find this blogger that describes their life changing event as the day that they discovered that albino Africans are having body parts removed to create magic potions and that families are selling their albino children’s body parts.  And I thought, “Really!  Albino Africans?  Of COURSE they’ll Freshly Press that!  That’s just too weird and meaningful-ly for them to pass up!  Rat bastard!”  So I am now officially obsessed and am in search of some albino Africans (or other bizarre and arcane cause) to espouse so that I may too be Freshly Pressed!  How about Aardvark Phobia?  Or People Who Live In Trees?  Or start a benefit for roosters in cock-fighting rings?  Just Freshly Press me!  Pleeeease!  Pretty please?  I’ll come up with something exotic and memorable and haunting!  Cats Who Commit Suicide?  Yes!  I’ll be Freshly Pressed!  I’ll make sure and include a photo that makes no sense, for use in the Fresh Press header!

Arrrrgh!  This week’s Fresh Pressed came out for the DPchallenge, and my tragic but true story was not featured!  I returned hopelessly to the scene of the Fresh Pressed crime in hopes I had missed the email notifying me of my triumphant debut.  I did not.  However, I was pleased to see that the cannabalized albinos did not make it either!  And ah-ha!  I have found the perfect picture of me on webcam displaying my bewilderment at my non-Freshly-Pressed-ness!  That is certain to win over the editors!

So unless you editor-type-folk want me to be a loon cyber stalker, I’m begging you!  Have a heart!  I need a good Fresh Pressing!  Just Press me and I’ll iron right out I swear.  I’ll be the freshest-pressest-sparkliest hottest shining star in the sky!  And I can call my mom, and my dad, and my husband…

Better Learning Through Blogging

I’m learning a lot from writing this blog, but I’m not sure if I’m happy with what I’m learning.  First thing I’ve learned, is that I seem to have an embarrassing clawing need for validation.  I’m always checking for comments, and likes, and I’m always praying for awards and Fresh Pressing.  I guess most people have some of that in them.  It’s a rare person who doesn’t care what others think, to some extent.  But I would be happier to be a little more independent.

Second of all, I don’t seem to know shit about much.  I know a lot about being an Ob/Gyn, because I am one, but there is only so much I can write about that.  Details about surgeries and such will bore most readers.  And I can’t write much about patients, because I don’t want anyone to recognize themselves in my writing.  That’s a violation of privacy, and if I am found violating HIPAA laws, I can be fined in the six digits.  I can’t afford that. 

I really don’t know much about current events.  I mean, embarassingly little.  I think I have deliberately divorced myself from a lot of the news, because none of it seems to be good, and there seems to be a lot of idiocy.  The recent election about drove me insane.  I just pulled away and refused to discuss it with anyone.  So anytime I am asked to discuss current events, I just shy away.  I am woefully ignorant.

I’m also not nearly as funny as I thought I was.  I mean, I am funny in a quick comeback one-off kind of a way, but when it comes to writing prose with consistent humor, I fall far short of the mark.  I think this is the most depressing and most surprising thing that I’ve learned.  The other things I pretty much knew anyway.  But not being funny!  That’s a major slap in the face.  I used to could be funny (notice that Southern sentence construct), but something has happened to me.  I think that something is a worsening depression.  Nothing is funny when you’re depressed.  And my life is so monotonous.  You need some variation in life to be able to draw humor from it, not the same thing day in and day out.  I can exhaust the humor in my job in a couple of posts.  (Actually, that’s not true.  A lot of funny things happen in the course of the day, but a lot of the humor is particular to my subspecialty and not everyone will get it.)  And the humor that people will get involves poking fun at my patients, which is easy to do, but once again may violate privacy regulations.

Next, I really need some friends.  I have immersed myself in work and family for so long I have little time left for anything else.  I seem to be making some friends in the blogging community, which has stirred some dormant need in me to find a friend to confide in.  There is no one in town I can call friend; there a few physicians that I am friendly with, but I wouldn’t call them to go eat dinner or call them with a problem.  I am really a pretty lonely person.  And I don’t like being lonely.

I also find myself paying a  lot more attention to others’ writing styles.  I am reading Mary Karr’s Lit right now and I notice how she interweaves poetry with her narrative.  And I also noticed she doesn’t use quotation marks when doing dialogue, which I find quite interesting.  This is at least helping me develop my own style, although that style seems to be stilted and stuffy.

I also didn’t realize what a decent photographer I am.  I love photography; I have taken a lot of pictures in my life, but I’ve noticed a lot of my posts really revolve around my photographs.  And the posts that get the most positive comments seem to be photography.  I never would imagine that I would fall in with a group of photographers more than a group of writers!  That’s one good thing I’ve learned that actually makes me happy.  I’ve become more proud of my photography.

So, I’ve learned a lot about myself by writing this blog.  I’ve also learned that I am a creature who operates by rote and by habit; I have taken the challenge to produce a post daily to heart.  I’ve even prepared a post to be released on Thanksgiving day, since I will be at my parents’ house that day.  I doubt anyone will read it, but if they look, it will be there.  This post is actually for tomorrow, since I’ve already presented one for today.  So – totally anal retentive, which I already knew.  The blog seems to be a reflection of my personality, which is probably not all that interesting an observation, as that is probably true of everyone.  My vow for 2013?  Try to be funnier!  Look for the humor in life.  Maintain a positive attitude.  These are the goals that this blog has helped me to reach for.  These are the goals that I need to achieve anyway.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I am beyond excited this morning for I have been nominated for my first blogging award:  The Very Inspiring Blogger Award!  I have been hoping for an honor like this since I started blogging!  I am to post and follows the rules for this blogging award.  The rules are as follows: 

1.  Display the award logo on your blog – done!

2.  Link back to the person who nominated you:   masadiso79’s blog

      Thank you so much masadiso79 for this terrific honor!  You have awarded me my first ever blogging award and I am so excited!

3.  State 7 things about yourself:

     I hate spiders – we have found brown recluse spiders in our house

     Jewelry making is my biggest passion.

     My favorite food is a chocolate malt from Sonic

     Photography is another favorite passion of mine; I love photographing children.

     I once tried hang gliding, wind surfing and sky diving.  I wasn’t any good at any of them.

     I am an Ob/Gyn by day and do all my other hobbies by night and on weekends

     I just restarted this blog in July after it had lain dormant for over a year.

4.  Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them:  (In no particular order)

     Life in Pint-Sized Form

    Fat Lies and Fairy Tales


     Sorta Ginger:  The Ramblings of a Quasi-Redhead


     Rose Chimera’s Rantings

     The Kitchen Slattern Speaks

     Singing Pigs

     Sass and Balderdash

     The numpty novice with a compact camera and a laptop


     Jeff Sinon Photography

     I Am

     Mz. Eve


5.  Notify nominees of award nomination and rules for acceptance.  – Done!  Wow, I’m out of breath!  Thank you again for this great honor – it truly made my day!

Daily Prompt: Three Letter Words

In case anyone is wondering about this bizarre blog post, a challenge is thrown down to create a blog post with no three letter words.  I am unsure what to write, except today is Friday, indeed, I am on call this weekend so there will be no break.  I already have a leftover labor patient – my partner is trying unsuccessfully to induce these past three days.  I will be stuck with delivering, probably by c-section, alone without help this weekend.  In addition, my husband is hosting an overnight visit with my daughter’s best friends, so we will be invaded by small children overnight on Saturday.  He hired a babysitter to come help on Saturday through Sunday, so he won’t be entirely alone if I am stuck at work.  I’m unsure what he thought when he decided to have this little party on a weekend when I am on call.

I am unsuccessfully dieting.  Up until today, I have lost exactly 1 1/2 pounds, which really doesn’t impress.  I snarfed down a large salad last night.  It contained some pretty healthful things:  mushrooms, peas, fresh bacon with blue cheese dressing.  OK, blue cheese isn’t exactly a diet food.  I am doing much better, though, than in past weeks, where I carelessly stuffed down milkshakes with mozarella cheese sticks, or french fries, or chocolate meringue.  My husband is doing Atkins diet, which always works on Kevin, doesn’t work on me.  It used to work; I think my metabolism is screwed up.  I can’t lose weight to save my soul.  I am very discouraged.

I am eagerly awaiting this week’s photo challenge.  I think those will be my favorite posts.  More readers seem to come to photography than to other subjects.  I have some good pictures stashed away that I will post on Weekly Photography Challenge.  I am so excited about my camera, because I have asked my husband to obtain a macro lens to go on my camera for Christmas.  He found 2 to choose from.  I will look at them when (if) I come home tonight.  Hopefully I won’t be stuck late with a delivery.  That first one he found is an autofocus.  That second one is a closer focal length without autofocus.  I will be thrilled to have either.  My mother wants to look at what Kevin found also, having been searching macros herself.

We’re preparing to go to my parents’ house at Thanksgiving.  This year, my mother wants me to bring a side dish with a dessert that we like.  I cannot decide what to prepare.  I am looking forward to visiting with them, however.  Amanda is really looking forward to spending some time with grandparents.  I think we will do Christmas at home with my folks coming here.  We won’t have to carry a whole bunch of Amanda’s presents back home.  Then, those holidays will be over already; I will feel bereft, wintry, cold.

This no three-letter word thing is very interesting.  It is a good challenge with vocabulary or grammar.  Considering, I think I have done pretty good at composing this post.  I wonder if it would be possible to do without four letter words??!!

Daily Prompt: Be The Change

I wasn’t so much hoping for a change with the blog as I was hoping for a clarification.  All my life I’ve been convinced that I had at least one novel in me.  I was hoping these little writings would bring the pieces of a novel into focus, and bring my life into focus with it.  I had a pretty tumultuous adolescence, and a fair amount of upheaval in my young adult life.  I was troubled, and rebellious, which sprung from my mundane childhood as a young prodigy and the belief that there had to be something out there that was wicked and more interesting.  I longed for excitement.  My parents were as safe and as bland as the Cleavers and I couldn’t believe anything they told me about bad things out in the world as they had obviously never experienced any of them.  My mother was homecoming queen at her large state university, and my father was in law school.  They met shortly after this and my mom married him not long out of college after teaching French and Spanish in a prestigious Colorado neighborhood.  I was born when Mom was 23 and my dad was 32.  From then on, my mom did her utmost to see that my performance in all areas of life was superlative.  She taught me words with blocks before I was walking.  I did multipiece jigsaws about the time I started to walk.  I was her certified One Trick Pony all through my childhood, and I obediently leeped through my hoops and trotted and cantered in time to her light whip and hackneyed circus music.

When I hit adolescence, I began to question everything, including the need to bring home straight A’s.  I felt that my grades singled me out for negative attention from my fellow students, and I began deliberately letting my grades slide to ward off their unwanted criticism.  I got involved with a number of negative, destructive things which unfortunately persisted into young adulthood.  When I finally got through all that, I was left with an “is that all there is?” feeling that haunted me through later years.  A husband and child failed to fill the void and I have been stumbling through my life since then, going through the motions, waiting for something to happen that never comes.

I think I’m hoping that this blog will be a form of therapy.  Although I’m afraid to put some of the truths of my life “out there” on the internet, I can feel my resistance breaking down as I read some of the things that have been shared by the community here.  Unfortunately, I can’t afford to share too much, as I am a physician in a small town and some things I write may be held against me.  I have made sure that no one in town (except my husband) is aware that I even have a blog.  There are just some things that I don’t want to share with friends and acquaintances that I can share with absolute strangers.  Paradoxically true.  Even my husband being aware of the blog has had some repercussions – he has found some of the things I’ve shared to be things that I should have instead shared with him.  Again, sometimes it’s easier to communicate with relative strangers. 

I am digging into my past now to try to find some nuggets with humor or at least truth that I can share in this blog.  And if I can make sense of where I’ve been, maybe I can figure out where I’m going.

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